Please give me two or three examples of where YOU believe you were controlling, perhaps chauvinistic, domineering, etc., in your marital relationship, pre-affair.
Did you wife complain about this over the years, or is this just a recent complaint?
My sub-boundaries (underneath the MAIN two of "I will not live in an open marriage," and "Stop the deceit -- I will no longer allow you to lie to our adult children and to your parents about the nature of your relationship with OM, and make ME out to be the crazy one") were simple:
- no texting OM in front of me or the kids - no phoning OM in front of me or the kids, or from inside our marital home - if you're going to stay out past 1am, don't bother coming home - if the boys (then 11 and 14) were to be left unattended for more than a couple of hours, or for a period of time that included their normal meal time, she was to call me and let me know so that I or her parents could make arrangements to watch them.
These were not things that I waited around for my wife to do, nor did I look for her to self-confess what she was doing. My stance was more of a "Look, we BOTH know what you're doing right now, and these are my boundaries."
