She just thinks I'm being manipulative again and controlling and mean, or whatever. She said, "I want to come home more than anything but you will only let me come home on your condidtions and terms and you're still being manipulative and controlling, after the way you've treated me today there is NO way I could come back to that person.
If she wanted to come home, she would come home.
Often in these emotional things, the person accusing the other of something is projecting.
Listen to what she said in response to clear boundaries and conditions: you are trying to manipulate her.
She is trying to manipulate you by dangling the "I'll come home card". She is testing your resolve.
But she is still not coming home. She was doing that before there were terms and conditions. So what has changed there? Nothing.
She's on the same course she has been on, but she is trying to get something out of you. You are being manipulated if you cave into this.
There's nothing wrong with what you are asking.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Be careful she's telling you that she is scared of you. She will escalate this. She will call the cops, she will threaten to hurt herself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This is just terrible. I have S4 now and he was crying his eyes out for his Mom. I tried to calm him down so that he could call her, and after he did I had him call her. He just broke down on the phone and cried asking her to come home. He wanted to know when she was going to come home. He said he missed her.
My heart is broken not only for my M, but moreso now for my little boy.
He's only 4 years old. He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't realize what has happened to me and mom.
I'm convinced if she REALLY knew about this and the effect that it would have on him, we might be talking differently. It's just so painful that she is so immature about this, and doesn't realize what is going on and the consequences of her actions.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Again Jon your boundaries are concerned over the mundane and namby-pamby over those that matter.
The counselor will tell you what? you have communication and attraction issues? and your wife acts like an immature girl? We can tell you that for free. And "no more talk of..."... Talk is cheap. Threats of divorce are weak.
I am very surprised you are not more concerned as to why your wife would kill your unborn child without telling you? And what actually has been taking place over that cell phone and those secret meetings with this school kid.
I knew about the unborn baby. At the time i didn't know if it was mine or not. I didn't want her to terminate it, but she did. I had no say so in the matter.
I think she's in a whirlwind now because before the moment she walked out it was all a dream - it's all she could think about. She thought I would just lay down and let her walk on me again when it came to matters of custody and money. I'm not doing that now, and it's wrecked her "dream" of how this was going to work out.
It's the same story that everyone has been telling me. The moment you drop the rope, she stumbles, falls and gets up saying WTF have I done? Do I really really want this? This is compounded by the fact that her world as she thought it would be is crushed because I won't be a pussy. (sorry) I'm fighting for everything, and again - she just had it all worked out in her mind how it was going to be. No Ma'am.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Not to screw your wife over (though she deserves it). Not to show you've got a pair.
Do The Right Thing, because your son is watching. He will learn what it is to be a man from you; everything you do.
Don't let your hurt and anger lead you to do things that you'll be unable to justify to him in 12 years, when he's on the cusp of manhood.
This isn't to say be a doormat to your wife's CB. Stand up for yourself, get fair custody, make sure you and your son are safe. And then let your W go.
You've got a long life ahead of you, you seem (as well as one can tell on the intarwebs) to be a thoughtful young man. You deserve more than your wife can give you, and you'll find it. Be strong.
I've agreed to let her come to the house tonight to let her tuck S4 into bed. This was at my suggestion, not hers. And I've only done that because he was crying and screaming for her earlier. He is so confused... I just want him to be tucked in by his mother this evening.
Yeah, I'm a softie. It's probably not the best idea, but I love him and want him to feel safe. I feel that is what is best for my son right now, so that is what I'm doing.
I made it clear that she needs to leave after he's in bed. She said she would - and appreciated the love and generosity that I'm showing her.
Today, ironically during our meeting she broke down at one point sobbing and said, "I just want to go home and lay in my bed - I'm so sick. I'm so broken I just want to go home, lay in bed and have you love me and hold me and take care of me."
My heart melts everytime I think of that because even though I'm detached, that's what I had been seeking the past two months. That moment there was the first time in years she's ever said, "I need you." As much as it hurt, I didn't break though. I told her that I wasn't going to do that - that she needed to put her big girl panties on and do this. She kept saying "I'm not strong enough to do this, I can't hurt you, I love you and I am not cabable of hurting you."
This afternoon when we spoke on the phone, she reiterrated how sorry she was that it all turned out this way. I agreed and validated her feelings, saying I felt the same way. I then told her that through all of this crap, even though I don't like her, and I don't want to be with her - there is a part of me that wishes this could all be fixed for the sake of our son.... that I pray that somehow this could all work out. She said that she wanted the same exact thing.
She's never said that before. Remember the "want to want to be in this marriage?" question? yeah, well, she's changed her mind suddenly when sh*t hits the fan. She doesn't want to be with me now, but she hopes it would work out somehow, even though it seems impossible.
So, this ain't over yet folks. We'll see what the wind blows in next. My days of DB aren't over. I have hope that I can still bust this sucker.
Last edited by john28; 08/22/1009:28 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I've agreed to let her come to the house tonight to let her tuck S4 into bed. This was at my suggestion, not hers. And I've only done that because he was crying and screaming for her earlier. He is so confused... I just want him to be tucked in by his mother this evening.
I really question your motive. A man who is detached and committed to taking care of himself absent his W would have found a way to be the single dad he says he accepts he must be. You could have distracted the little guy and made it all better all by yourself. You are using your son.
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Yeah, I'm a softie. It's probably not the best idea, but I love him and want him to feel safe. I feel that is what is best for my son right now, so that is what I'm doing.
Sorry, but I think you did it for yourself.
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I made it clear that she needs to leave after he's in bed. She said she would - and appreciated the love and generosity that I'm showing her.
She's playing you.
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Today, ironically during our meeting she broke down at one point sobbing and said, "I just want to go home and lay in my bed - I'm so sick. I'm so broken I just want to go home, lay in bed and have you love me and hold me and take care of me."
Not 'ironically'....PREDICTABLY! You put her on the ropes (for like 2 seconds) and she is getting scared. So...she is playing you.
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My heart melts everytime I think of that because even though I'm detached, that's what I had been seeking the past two months.
Stop MELTING! She is most likely saying that so you won't come after her legally. She wants you to play nicely. She wants you to feel sorry for her so you won't take the action you should. Your girl-child knows exactly what she is doing. We have seen this here before.
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This afternoon when we spoke on the phone, she reiterrated how sorry she was that it all turned out this way. I agreed and validated her feelings, saying I felt the same way. I then told her that through all of this crap, even though I don't like her, and I don't want to be with her - there is a part of me that wishes this could all be fixed for the sake of our son.... that I pray that somehow this could all work out. She said that she wanted the same exact thing.
Neither wishing nor praying is a plan. You have to be strong with a plan, and you need to study history, John. Re-read your thread. She keeps stepping up the drama with you, and you bow down to it every time. And nothing gets better. She says it will. She says she wants it to. She says she's sorry. But it's all talk. Re-read your thread.
My prediction is she'll try to 'tag' you tonight. Brace yourself -
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Remember last Sat night when I told my wife she had to leave by the 1st? And sleep on the couch? Wow, sure changed her attitude, right? She wants to do MC, etc. All because she's scared of me giving her the boot. Sound familiar to you? It should.
She's playing you. Just as my wife is playing/cake-eating with me.
Stick to your guns, don't be all melty man, and don't use your son...
