H did come by today and took the girls out school supply shopping.
Afterward he took them to a Chinese Restaurant for lunch. When they were done eating they read their cookie fortunes out loud. H's stated that 'Happiness is great!' D17 said that her dad very sarcastically said, "Yeah, OK".
I remember when H was speaking to me on the phone right after the bomb and told me that his life and ow were perfect and it would always be that way. I would like to ask him if he still feels that way.
Remembering that weekends are the hardest, I feel I've regressed somehow. Evidently I struck a nerve with various DB'rs who wonder if their H/W even knows they would consider reconciliation, and how to get that message across. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, that I'm feeling this way, for all of us. At least he kept his promise to your girls. Have to try to see the silver lining in something.
I don't know Punkin, what the right way to get the message across would be. I do have a feeling though that if there ever comes a right time to convey it, we'll know it. I don't think at that time we'll ask about it either, we'll just do it.
CW, it would be great if someday H would look inside and realize that it isn't people or things that make you happy...
I don't know if it is the right time for any of you or not, but I wrote a letter to ex before d was final. I really didn't tell him in the letter that I would take him back but I told him that if there wasn't a 3rd party in the picture that we would not be going thru this. I also told him face to face to stop the affair & lets go to couseling, this was when he had been drinking one night, so he was vulnerable & before the letter, he didn't say no, so I think he was thinking about it, but of course he had to leave & I'm sure he called ow & that took care of that. The mediator also asked him if he would be willing to reconsile but at that point, I was going after too much & he was very mad at me. So, you do have to take into account your sitch with you H. In the letter I wrote to him, I also said with much regret I was letting him go. I was hoping that would turn him around but he was too far gone by that time. I guess I should have tried earlier but honestly with the sociopath he is with now, I don't think any of it would have done any good.
OW will tire quickly if she is not the center of the universe...that is the type that they are...they feel empowered to know a man is leaving everything dear to him for HER...so if he looks back, shows interest in his family at all...well, yeah! she is going to feel very insecure and start behaving desperately...
Lin, I have noticed this in my sitch as well. ow can't stand when H spends time or money on the kids. This was confirmed in text messages my D read on her Dad's phone.
Thank you for coming back and sharing your wisdom and experiences with us as we navigate the MLC waters. Your insights have been invaluable!
You are so right. You and imLIN always say the right things. And that's not to say that I don't get great advice from Eric, True, GAG, CW, and everyone else on these boards. imLIN is a survivior of the MLC wars, and you, seeking, seem to be able to subjugate your own problems to the problems of others. I often wish I could say something that would make YOU feel better.
I phoned my H's OW once, just before I gave up and wanted the D (this was 6 years ago, so my sitch now has changed drastically, yet I find myself in the same sitch, but as a WAW without there being an OW that I know of or care about). She was quick to point out that it wasn't just her to blame, but H too. So, she was quite happy to throw him under the bus .... I told H how "honourable" his soulmate OW was. My response to her was, "don't you think I have already had a lot of talks with H?" IOW, duh, as if I don't know H is to blame too.
The affair partners are very selfish, clingy people. They care little for the families of the LBS or their own families. Some are single, of course, and they are even worse. Makes me wonder if they have no ability to get a single man, so they prey on married men, on their vulnerability because married life is very different. Who among us don't feel a little bit good when someone of the opposite sex says something complementary about us, or pays a little attention to us? Me, for one, but I know it means nothing.
Anyway, know that it has nothing to do with you. Maybe, you had some responsibility in the M, but that is no reason to turn away to seek intimacy outside the M. I sometimes think there are those who just know when it's time to pounce on someone at that point when they are feeling the least resistance within themselves.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Punkin, Do not sell yourself short. (I know you're tiny but that's beside the point) I love reading your pearls of wisdom! I also adore your sense of humor!!! Some of your stuff just makes me laugh out loud right from the belly, and I love to laugh. It truly is the best medicine.
You do make me feel better in more ways than one, sista from another mother!
BeingMe, Thank you for posting your experiences. You've really been through it and come out the other side a success!!!
We learn so much from our friends who have traveled this path before us and care enough to continue to post to help see others through.
I agree about the affair partners being selfish and clingy. I wondered how ow viewed my H as he spends little time with our two younger children. I thought that she being a mother of four herself would take a dim view of that. Come to find out she gives H a hard time about the time he spends with them. I do find this incredibly sad, not just for our girls, but for H, too.
I'm posting today's latest installment of MLC weirdness. Below is an email I received from my H this morning and then my reply to his email.
I'll set this up a little. D17 received a text from her dad last weekend asking if she wanted the item. She told him no.
It is a dresser that ow had that they're wanting to get rid of. Personally, I can't believe my H sent me the email in the first place. When I answered him I set a boundary for myself.
H's email:
Quote:
I have a really good dresser that needs to go. Four drawer, light blue in color. Real wood, not that press board [censored]. Can D12 use it? Or anyone for that matter. Hate to toss it out. Let me know soon.
My Reply:
Quote:
H, There is only one thing I ever wanted from that house. A dresser is not it. Please do not offer anything like that again. Thanks
I felt I accomplished a couple things with my answer. First, I let H know that the door is open a bit with out pursuing. Second, I set a boundary that shows that I'm not OK with what H is doing and to keep it to themselves. He wants that life over there then he can have it. I will not allow it to cross into mine.
I did not get a reply to my email. I did not expect one. I do not feel bad at all about my reply.
