A new day ... or something equally cliche ....

[Mach1]

As you might expect...since expectations seem to still be a problem....

All of that to say I received some really good advice and have decided on a course of action:

- I am going to go dark and give up any attempts at co-parenting for the time being. He can not be trusted to carry through or honor his word.

No you aren't...and since WHEN did anyone here say to trust an MLCer ?

- I am going to talk to my children (with lots of family support around) and let them know that Daddy is moving out and that he has a "friend" (in an age appropriate way).

Why?

Cause your angry ?

Because you want to control the situation?

Because you want them as angry at him as you are?

So that they will put YOU on the pedastol as the bestest parent in the whole world?

In some attempt to make him "deal" with the ramifications of his decisions by having his children view him in a judgmental way ?

You are better than that PEI....

- I am going to put pen to paper on all of the "loose ends" we have ... utility bills, banking, home repairs, wood for the winter, etc and ask him to review and sign if he agrees that it is what we have already agreed upon ... I'll be careful to work it as "at a minimum"... I will have my sister (a prosecutor in another province) look at it.

Unless it is a legal document, he could sign that he is gonna fly to the moon every Tuesday....It will serve no different than any verbal agreement that he has broken....once again, an expectation that he would follow that.....?????

- I am going to seek out a L who might give me a free consultation.

Good....pick the hardest, toughest SOB this side of the Pecos...

- I am going to draft a schedule and send it to him for comments/suggested changes.

Parallel parenting is hard PEI...until you can learn to co-parent. What you will find is that even though it is hard on you, it will be that hard for the children too....times 5....

Work together FOR them....NOT him.

- I am going to correspond with him only when necessary, and if at all possible by email or text.

That is a fantastic idea for communication...

That way everything will be taken in the context it is intended. You won't have to wonder if he is being genuine, or facetious at all....

- I am not allowing him to spend the night in my house again. He doesn't move into his place until the upcoming weekend so I will allow him to come over and spend the evening with the kids if he wants to spend time with them.

Is it not his house too....still ?

- I am getting a new bed. Not an expense I really should take on but it has to go.

I've heard the sleep number beds are very nice.....

- I am starting to pack his sh!t as soon as I talk to the kids (which will likely be tomorrow). I will stack and pile it in the garage so he can move it without coming intot he house.

Please don't do this in front of your children....


Please take some time to think about this, and not how it affects you, however how it will affect the children...

Remove "you" from the equation and really think "Kids First"

What he does ? You are not gonna agree with, probably not even 10% of the time..

But that is HIS deal with the Devil, not yours.

You are gonna have way different ideas of raising kids now. What was once not allowed, will be allowed very freely, and you HAVE to allow that when it is not your time with them. You are not gonna like it, but you are gonna have to get used to it.

Like my friend Gracie says...

Your job is to not interfere with their relationship.....

And your first day on the job should be today.