Pun, first of all we have all these rules for DBing that I strongly believe in but you know your spouse and their is no absolute rules that apply to each situation. Take a chance, if it doesn't work at least you now know.
There are so many ways to let you MLCer know the door is open. Let me give you my example: My W and I have been together for 32 years, married for 25. Whenever we have had a crisis in our marriage, I have always been the one to take the iniative to resolve the crisis. This time, she must show me that she will do what it takes to save our marriage. During this, I want to keep the door open without saying so. My belief that like we, the LBS, are told to believe nothing they say, their friends are telling them, belive nothing he says cause he will say anything to get you back. I also believe true love is actions not words. With all that said, I thought that the things that I could do that would speak for me was: #1 continue to wear my wedding band. When we first separated, I took it off because i was hurt and wanted to hurt her back. We ran into each other and I noticed her very casually look at my finger and she reacted negatively to my ring missing even though she doesn't wear hers. I've have not went without it anymore. A couple of weeks ago, she came by our home to get some "stuff" out of the house. Now I don't believe that's why she came by, I felt it was a touch and go event. Anyway, when she walked in the house, the first thing she noticed was our wedding picture over the fireplace. She stared at the picture for at least a minute. Didn't say anything, just stared at it. As she moved through the house, she saw that pictures of us throughout our 32 years together were displayed. Again she didn't say anything, but I could see the impact, very small but a positive impact non the less.
So Pun, give it a shot. Be creative in how you tell or show him. It's so easy for us to take the negative approach to this crisis we are in, but we don't have to. Look hard for the positives, it will change you and force him to change, not right away, but he can't help but be attracted to a Pun that is full of light, showing him the way home.
