It's unbelievably easy to detach with H out of the country.
You've done everything you can - now the rest is up to him.
Originally Posted By: Piano
I do not want to waste so much time anymore thinking about H, or the outcome of our sitch.
I know it hurts, hurts, hurts - but with him out of the picture and you not worrying about him wanting to drop by and see the baby, it will make it easier to move on.
Originally Posted By: Piano
I think my new positivity came from attending my best friend's wedding yesterday, and having a good time, and seeing that there are a lot of kind people out there, many struggling for whatever reason, and that life goes on...
There ARE a lot of terrific people out there! I remember being preoccupied with my marriage troubles one day when I was out running errands, and I had several men in a row flirt with me for whatever reason. After about the 3rd guy, it occurred to me that EVERY ONE of them treated me better than WH. That snapped me back to reality. No one can make me feel bad unless I allow them to.
Another time, I was picking up the kids at school. As I stood there in the parking lot looking around, it occurred to me that if the stats are correct and 50% of marriages are impacted by affairs, then half the people standing there with me have, are, or will be going through what I'm dealing with. And you can't tell by looking at them. Shocking!
Originally Posted By: Piano
I am going to try not to beat myself up anymore. I've lived through something horrible, I reacted horribly to it because I was not a strong person. I am going to become the best person I can be, starting now.
It's called being blindsided, Piano, as in "never saw it coming." It's one thing when they tell you they're unhappy, they start pulling away, you fight a lot, etc., but when you think everything's going fine and the first you hear it isn't is when they pack their bags and leave - well, it's like a sudden death. No way to prepare, nothing to do but react.
A man and a wife I knew met at a restaurant after work. As they were driving home, the wife in her car leading, the man in his car following, the wife started through an intersection when a drunk driver in a pickup truck slammed into her, killing her instantly. Her husband watched it unfold before his very eyes. Not only did he have to be treated for shock, he couldn't even get out of bed for the next six months. Three years later at a family wedding, when his SISTER asked him to dance, he reluctantly agreed after saying, "I guess W wouldn't mind."
We all react differently to having our worlds turned upside down. You've been dealt a cruel blow and you've done better than most would have, including me. It's easy to beat yourself up and say you could have done better, but honestly, you did the best you could with the information and experience you had at the time.
You've already hit the bottom. The only way to go from here is up.
