Ok! I'll do it because it feels right for me. I could get a cat for my dogs :P They'd love that. lol j/k
As far as her though, without mind reading and how some of the vets out there are good at seeing things coming ("peek around corners") how do you think she might react? Think it might wake her up, think she'll feel sad, happy,etc, etc. Shock her?
My curiosity is my motive in asking this. If you were a WAW and had her complaints, what would be your reaction?
I'm not contacting her so it's not like I'm going to call her up and tell her to come over or anything.
Okay, so no one wants to add their advice. Cool. I get it.
Just watched the movie called "Date Night". Cracked me up! Wahlberg and his "8 story shoulders" lol. Kind of felt like Steve Carell. Haha. The movie cheered me up, kinda gave me a humorous look at married life. I see what I did wrong and the attraction issues really stood out. I'm not looking to this movie as being an eye opener, but it kind of helped in a weird way.
Gonna work on painting my house and changing the view for me. I'm still curious as to what she thinks, but I really look forward to something different. After all, I'm the one that's here.
Really kind of thought about things too. Even though right now I love my W, once that divorce is final it really opens a new life for me. As long as I do whatever I can to better myself, in the end as long as I'm happy everything will be ok. Far as her, I look to see the positive...if it wasn't for her I'd be the same stuck dumbass I've been. However, all this time alone has made me so much more aware of me. Yeah, I wallowed this weekend, but here I am again feeling free. I'd rather feel this now than later. Know what I mean?
GAL is harder than I thought. I stop everything to think about her, but I have to ask myself "am I really helping me?". Nope. I just need to let her know in anyway I can that I'm moving on without her. Not sitting back and waiting for her to make a move. She's made a choice, I've been dumped, but Life goes on. Sucks but I will stay the course. I also know that I will find someone that will be a better mate than her. Regardless of my shortcomings I will be a better mate than before.
I'm not contacting my W at all...seems like every 3 - 4 days she asks me how me and our dogs are doing. I wait a few hours and respond with "Good, how are you?"
Should I stop responding? Maybe respond in a couple days?
It bugs me she doesn't call, she just texts. It bugs me that she doesn't give a crap about me except when she's at work or maybe when she bored. I feel like I'm a passing thought, because she never contacts me on the weekend when she's obviously has better things to do. Don't want to mind read, but I almost always do.
I don't know how to respond or to approach this. Any advice?
This message is via text and I told her a week ago I'm tired of texting.
I'd like voice/personable contact and I'm tired of a text every 3-4 days asking about me. I mean I'm glad for at least being thought of, but it would be nice to talk.
I'm trying to go dark/LRT/setting em free and detach, but it's hard when she throws me a bone every few days. Just kind of want to figure out how to break this cycle. Or do I just keep taking scraps?
Personally, I'd deal with it as you suggest. "Good" Done.
I wanted to metion how I see something you wrote earlier.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
I just need to let her know in anyway I can that I'm moving on without her. Not sitting back and waiting for her to make a move. She's made a choice, I've been dumped, but Life goes on. Sucks but I will stay the course. I also know that I will find someone that will be a better mate than her. Regardless of my shortcomings I will be a better mate than before
I just want to point out some "self-talk sabotage" The stuff I struck through is not necessary to say or, worse, THINK.
I understand it's difficult. We all havr a tough time shifting the focus from THEM to US. At this point, she is making it all about her. Change it up, man. Once she makes the choice she has, it's no longer about her EXCEPT TO HER.
It's time for FaithnAK. See the BOLD stuff.
That is your target. And, to do this, you have to begin by shifting the focus from blame/guilt on you (you didn't make the choice-SHE DID) and the mini-pity party (sucks, etc) and reframe this as an opportunity to be free from HER issues (trust me, you were affected) and begin to be that better mate.
You do that, regardless of who the next mate will be, and it will icrease the odds that she looks around to see where you went.
What did you not like about your behaviour in the relationship? How did she change you? Did you let her change you? Why? These are things you need to address.
Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Way of the Superior Man? Love Languages?
Start with snooping about them on the web.
This is actually ALL about you. If you don't change FOR YOUR SAKE, she'll see no reason to look back at you. But it has to be motivated By you and FOR you.
Do it for her and it's not real. To you or her.
Distract yourself by looking inside rather than out at her.
It's been working for me.
And I always snoop around other threads just to see what others are learning and hearing. You'll see that the people making the progress are barely even concerned with their spouses. We talk about them but it's more about detaching from their emotional strings.
Keep going. It's a long trip, man. But SO worth it.
I mean it's kinda like a boundary I guess. She's addicted to texting and I was addicted to playing games. One of her complaints was that she always felt like she was talking to the back of my head. That's messed up, but I can't live in the past anymore and I'm trying to show a spine and self respect on how this will go forward.
Sucks though because it's not super bad behavior on her part and DB talks about not questioning the medium as to how she communicates with me. I just have to draw a line somewhere and unfortunately this is how I feel.
