Do all MLC spouses isolate themselves? My wife has been living in this small apartment for 6 months now. She's always been a quiet, 'stay-at-home' type of person. In general, there's nothing wrong with that I suppose. For the first 5 months after she moved out she spent a lot of time at our family home...I mean A LOT. However, since she returned from her trip to China she's gradually begun isolating herself more and more and, on weekends, never leaves the apartment except to buy groceries, drop off our children, etc... For the last few weeks she typically will not accept any invites to eat meals together (whether by me or even when my son asks). Our son made the remark just yesterday that, "Mom just makes up stories not to do stuff with us these days. How come she says the same excuse? Mom always says the same thing, 'Is there any reason to do that?' Why does she do that Dad?" She sleeps excessively [during the daytime] on weekends. She can easily take a 3-hour afternoon nap on Saturday afternoon, stay up until who knows when, sleep in until 9:30-10am on Sunday morning, then take another nap Sunday afternoon. I know this because she tells me (and no, not because I ask). I think I've mentioned it here before, but isn't excessive sleep a sign/symptom of depression?
In any case, the isolation over the last few weeks, on top of the excessive sleep, has me worried. On the surface she will try her best in front of me to act 'normal', whatever that means to an MLC spouse. But I can see right through her. My eyes could be deceiving me but, to me, she appears haggard on most days, a lot of times looks like she's aged a good 5-7 years, still has that distant look in her eyes, and the list goes on...
On the other, good side, since she returned from China she appears to be making a really, really strong effort to re-establish/maintain a strong, positive relationship with her parents AND my son. (I don't emphasize our daughter because she stays with my wife in the apartment, and that strong relationship is a given). Anyhow, it's something positive that really struck me since she came back from China. It's a strange dichotomy to observe the individual isolation, on the one hand, and the overt/obvious attempts to bond in a positive way with her mom/dad/our son on the other hand. Does anyone here have any insight on what this could suggest in terms of where she's at in her crisis? I've read about the stages, but have absolutely no clue on how to put her recent behavior/actions in any kind of meaningful context.
On a second, positive - I know I'm reading into things too much - type of note, I just got back from a 10-day vacation to Hawaii with my kids. The first day there I called my wife so she could talk to the kids. As we were about to hang up she utters, to no one in particular, "I love you guys." Now, in terms of affection, I've been living like a lost, hungry puppy over the last year. So, to hear my wife even utter the word "love" in my presence, in the context of what's gone on the last year, nearly knocked me out of my chair when she said it. I didn't react one way or another when she said it, but it did make me think of the other [semi]positive change that I noticed since she came back form China.
Since she moved into the apartment, my wife has been very good about calling me every single night at 8pm sharp so that our daughter can say goodnight before she sleeps. For the first 5 months since she moved out it's been me saying, "Goodnight Lily, I love you." and my wife typically replying "Lily, say goodnight to your daddy." The last few weeks have been slightly different. Lately, it's been me saying "I love you Lily" and my wife replying, "Lily, say night-night daddy. I love you daddy."
