In my previous post I was trying to be circumspect about my own viewpoint on this odd situation. Certainly there could be other possible explanations, which is why I began to wonder if I was merely being -- as I said above -- paranoid. There is the distinct possibility that is all it is, paranoia on my part. But at the time I did sort of get the uncomfortable suspicion that xW had gone behind my back in having private correspondence with this C, and had filled her head full of nonsense about me.
But as I concluded, when you sum it all up, whether the ex did do anything so diabolical is not all that important since I am unlikely to ever be able to prove such a wild assertion anyway. No, I have to focus on the facts -- what I do know for certain. For whatever reason, xW has suddenly gotten cold feet and become increasingly uncooperative in seeking psychological counseling for S5's classroom behaviors, behavior's pointed out to the both of his parents by his preschool teachers, the preschool staff and a state education department social services representative.
Why do I think, you ask, that my children's mother would suddenly scuttle the process, one initiated for their benefit and one she had originally expressed great enthusiasm for? I'd have to say it is because it suits her. I get the feeling that xW just wants, as usual and as always, to have control of the situation. I think she get's a power kick from frequently jerking me around, and that she has no qualms about using our children to do so, especially if she can make it look like I am the one who is causing harm or that she is doing so under the pretense of our S's "best interests".
Since the meeting in March I took what was said to us by the teachers, staff and counselors to heart. They saw a serious change in S5's behaviors since the beginning of February. And we all agreed, xW as well, to a course of action to gain whatever diagnosis and help our little boy needed, so that he could operate as best as possible in classroom and other social settings.
I took the lead for this and arranged for S5 to be evaluated by experts along a path suggested and agreed upon by the parties present during the March 18 meeting. xW took every opportunity to try to prod me along, as if I needed any incentive from her. I took her pressuring in stride, have long ago chalked this up to her annoyingly anal ways. But having finally reached the goal of getting past all the referrals, the correspondence, the approvals, the arrangements, the paperwork, etc. -- and had finally begun actually seeing the family psychologist -- she must have figured I was making too much progress in leading this effort. It was no longer all about her -- so she decided to take her ball and go home.
Or so it sure seems to me.
The funny thing is that this is not the first time she's done this. In seeking help for S9 years ago, I had taken a referral by my employer's insurer for seeking family guidance. Once we were in, xW decided to pull out.
Likewise, just months later, I managed to jump through a myriad of hoops to get S9 evaluated for Asperger's Syndrome (AS) and Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and enrolled in the UNC Department of Psychology's well-respected TEEACH program for Autism Spectrum Disorders. (I even had myself screened for AS though their program, as a precaution.) Once in, xW decided not to take advantage of their services, suddenly citing that S9's condition was not grave enough after all. The most she would commit to was one mother's group hosted by the TEEACH program, but which had nothing for S9 himself.
And I won't go into the farce of the marital counseling she also bailed out on.
So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that xW is just too selfish to commit to anything serious, even if it might be for the benefit of her own child.
I am pretty much through with trying to do anything cooperatively with xW. She has proven over and over again that she is entirely untrustworthy. I truly envy those of you out there who feel they can trust their former spouse at least when the chips are down, and are able to rally together for the very sake of your children. But I am now finally convinced that my ex is not going to put her own pettiness and selfishness aside for anyone.
And, no, I have to conclude that the C is just wrong-headed about blended families. And I have to take issue with anyone who wants to suggest that the best interests of a child, especially my children, would be best served if I were to lay aside whatever fear of OM I might have (okay, to be considered) and I were to encourage them to accept another man as a second father in their lives -- not just a step-father, mind you, but another, co-equal father. (I was candid with her and told her that I would honestly struggle with that.)
Having thought about all this more since then, and thus given the sort of philosophy I hear in her words to me, I am no longer inclined to use the services of this particular C anymore anyway.
