but its ok for you to flirt with blond bartenders and think about taking them to a concert?
She's already had one boyfriend. She is the one who has chosen to divorce me. I don't know what she is doing now when she goes out.
It is up to her if it is ok with her if I date and she wants to come back or not. All I am saying is that if she does start dating other people, I don't think I will want her back. We'll just have to wait and see how I feel IF that even happens I guess. If I date and she doesn't want me back because of it (right now she says she won't ever anyway), then so be it.
I'm not saying that I am right, I am saying that is how I feel. And we all know it's all about FEELINGS at this point, right?
After years of reading all of these short, sad, WAW stories, there is only one conclusion I arrive at:
Kick their @sses to the curb and leave them there. They want out? Throw them out. Now!
They patronize you by saying you deserve better? Find someone better immediately.
Who needs to wait around for a lying, cheating, betraying, character-assassinating POS WAS?
Now, that's the kind of validating I'm talking about. Go ahead and give them exactly what they say they want. And give it to them IMMEDIATELY! No namby-pamby wimp-@ss "waiting."
After all, they've been so "unhappy" for "so long."
that's what i'm doing exactly. he expects me to file, oh heck no, he has to take responsibilty for his desire for divorce. i briefly ran down it takes a considerable amount of time to get divorced between time allowed for filing responses, mediaiton, etc. etc.
he didn't like that, so i said well if we agree to everything then it goes aLOT faster, so let me know when you want to sit down fill out the paperwork together, all available online, he's like yeah that's what i want the quicker the better.
so lets do it, i know there are better men out there, if h wants to surround himself with his buddies, go out drinking, watch strippers, whatever, go for it. I know that i am a great woman and unbelievable mother, i'm a professional in my career, own my own house, a veteran of 2 wars, so and so forth. the type of woman which it won't be a woman it will be a girl in her 20's that he will "get" will not have anything going for her,.
he wants the divorce, i'm living my life as i am single! it iwll catch up to him and he may be put off by it or be like oh she's not waiting for me anymore. when he sees the man i bring in my life he will be totally and completely insecure.
my h is never gonna be anything more then a high school drop out, won't be a citizen of the united states, will work every single day of his life, with no home ownership, always a renter, no security of retirment, nothing.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
I don't know the right answers for you and what you should do. That is up to you. I understand your point-of-views on things, and I had feelings for someone, but I just have to wait until I am totally divorced to even consider anything more than just friends. It is good to have someone bring out "feelings" we have not been able to have met in our current sitches.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
DanF: I completely get it. I got the same speech. "i'll never regret it" etc. Ok.
But it still is about your self-esteem, not about dating somebody else etc. Can you date somebody else later, look back, and think, "I did that for me and not to lash out at WAS?" That's the key really. You have to do for you and not BECAUSE of her. Otherwise, you haven't really released control and you haven't really done anything for yourself.
The rest of you? There is some anger and resentment there. Whew... You can't predict what will happen to somebody nor should you really want bad things for them, right? They will find what works for them. Should they find that you are what works for them, that's a shame - because you will be long gone by the time they figure it out.
DanF: figure out what works for you and not works because of her. Figure out what you want out of life and go get it. Letting her drive the divorce train? I see that. Makes sense. "You want out? Great - I won't help you, but I won't stop you either. All you babe." 'Cause you can't make somebody love you. You cannot do anything to make them pick up their half of the relationship nor would you want to. If that's what you want, get a puppy or a robot.
AJ
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
