thanks. that clears it up more for me. Tomorrow got to take the oldest to his 1st grade meet the teacher. There I will also get my youngest son 4 to spend the weekend at our house. W asked i guess your gonna spend the weekend at house. I said yes. You are welcome to come. She hasnt seen the oldest 6 for over a week. It seems she has developed the detachment phase better than I have...guess her Kung fu is better.....
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Your w is seriously messed up and I wish you would stop blaming yourself.
You also need to call BULLSH!T on her so-called excuses...."you cheated on her....blah.....blah....." She is using your past, w-a-a-a-a-y past, indiscretions to keep beating you over the head. And now she is neglecting her child. A SIX YEAR OLD CHILD!!
Man, how cold can she get? That is just SICK!!! And very cruel.
Ick!! Some people should just not be allowed to breed.
Kick her ass to the curb and go for custody of the kids. She is being emotionally cruel to them and I don't even want to imagine how it is affecting them.
Sick!
P.S. DO NOT MOVE OUT!! Your kids need you and the stability of their home without their cold-hearted, whiny, immature mom doing God only knows what while you aren't there.
Well we went to meet the teacher day. Last thing she said last night was that she was going to bring our youngest with so I wouldn't have to go pick him up from school. We get there and doesn't have the youngesst I said where is he? She said well you said you where going to get him. I said no, you told you would bring him so I wouldn't. She's ticked. Whatever we ask where the teachers room is and the guy tells us. We head that way and she says it's at the end of the hall. I said no it's down this other way cause the guy told us. Again no... So we go her way sure enough not the teachers room. She gets mad says guy gave us wrong directions. I say no he said it was down this other hall. Go there and yep there it is. I just want to scream I told you so!!!!
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Prepare for a long road bro. She's hurt real bad. If your truly sorry, make amends from here on out.
Please forgive yourself and do what's right from here on out. If you don't forgive yourself, you will take yourself right out of the marriage. Be strong for her, your kids, and your marriage. Lead like you should have been doing all this time.
Well having a BBQ today sent wife a text asking telling her what the kids and I where doing. Other than that not much happening. Should I approach her about going forward?
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Talked to W yesterday for abit. Told her I understood how she felt that it must be hard. She said well some families just have to go through it like this. Very disappointed right now. She is just disconnected and doesn't want to try. She says if she does try try it's just false hope.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Have you read divorce busting or divorce remedy yet?
1) It will be a LONG road back -- patience, patience, patience. Write down a list of tangible "baby step" goals you would like to see happen over the next month or two. I don't know where things are for you, but maybe small goals like W calls me 1x a week (or daily depending on how frequently she is calling you).
2) AVOID initiating any R talk or trying to convince her to try. Don't even suggest that she should be trying.
3) Focus on yourself right now and your kiddos, not what she is doing. Better yourself and when she initiates contact with you, validate what she is saying and validate her hurt. Keep doing this and DON'T expect results immediately.
4) Do 180's for about 2 weeks and see "what works" If you dont' see ANY even small signs of progress, then try some different 180's
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
well it didnt go down great. Yesterday the boys and I invited W to go bike riding. Something we used to do prior to having kids. She responded about an hour later saying she didnt want to go because it would be to hard to leave. I said Ok. she said just tell that she had to help grandma. they were very disappointed. Last night when she called to tell the boys goodnight, She asked where i would be this week? I told i have to be here in the house, because work has me in town. She got all mad saying i should have told her...etc. I said i tried talking to you but you never wanted to talk on the phone or in person. She just kept saying i'm not doing anything she asks. I told her i'm here in the marriage wanting to help and heal and I shouldn't leave. I said lets try and heal, by trying something different. She just says she is past trying stage. she keeps saying she cannot ever get over it, and she doesnt want to spend the rest of her life depressed even if the boys are happy. IT shouldnt be at the cost of her sanity. I'm just waiting to get served... I just dont understand how she wants to do it all on her on. She gets out of work at 415, has to go get the youngest from daycare. then our oldest gets off the bus at 5:00 she will never make it. stayed up last night most of the night thinking if not being here anymore would be worth it...
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
You aren't responsible for all of her emotions. Be a rock, listen and validate. No need to defend yourself.
STOP trying to suggest to her that she should try and heal by trying something different. She's being clear that's not what she wants right now, so listen to her and empathize. When she says you aren't doing anything she asks, ask her to tell you more about what she wants (other than you moving out which you said before was one of your non-negotiables).
Do try to maintain contact (even in email or txt) so that the W knows where you will be a week ahead of time when it involves scheduling issues with kids. It is common courtesy to a friend or roommate to share that information. BTW, you do NOT have to justify your being there to her, however. You simply will be there. It could be seen as passive aggressive not to share that information simply because you can't do it in phone or in person. You can send a heads up txt or email the week ahead. I've failed myself in this respect before sometimes.
The more you pursue her/try to talk her into trying something new to heal/etc, the less likely will she 'come around' You are tug of warring with her when you do this.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
god last night could not have gotten any worse. i told her i was in the house and if there was anything i could do to help? all she said was that she wanted me out. Said you can at least leave for awhile. I asked why should i leave i want to help you. She just said so was beyond healing and help. That if she could she would just change the locks and throw my stuff out in the yard...i ask what was the purpose of me leaving? she said maybe she would just miss me and getting some feeling back? I asked how if that was what you had been doing the 3 years and it didnt work, why not try something different. i asked during this time do you want to go to MC or anything spiritual? No was her answer. She was just pissed. i dont understand why she is SO pissed now and just yelling at everything i say. Why did she try and just cover it up for the last 3 years and not do much about it. She had just told her mom about the affair 3 years only last month. Why would someone want to carry that burden on oneself for that long. I cant say i didnt see it coming. I have been asking for last 2 years to do some kind of hobby together, softball - no, cycling - no, running- no, walking-no, dog walking- no, hunting- no, scrapbooking together - no, sewing - no, i knew it was coming she just doesnt want to let go..., She said she was just trying to be the bigger person the last 3years. She doesnt deserve what i did. How could i do that to her, she never thought i would ever do that. She said that what she held most dear was that we had be each other's first lovers and lost our V to each other. All I could think was wow we have 2 beautiful boys together, but the thing she held most dear was that we lost our V to each other????WTH!!! These are all the same things she said and went through 3 years ago...All she keeps doing is threating divorce... its beating me down i'm tired. I left for a few day for work, and see my parents.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
