Funny thing happened. I met a woman who was from Sweden. I wondered if I knew anything Swedish and out pops "Jag älskar dig." I was pretty sure it meant something stupid. But no it was.. "I love you." Not the most appropriate thing to say to someone in line but interesting nonetheless.
In the course of two days all the computers in my house died, seized and/or went to the great beyond. In the process I learned how to extract a hard drive, hook it up to another. When that failed, finding a docking station to transfer the precious data (pictures and writings) and breaking down to buy a computer tout de suite.
I recently read about a phenomenon between two types of people. The paraphrased categories are the "satisfiers" and the "optimizers". The former will have a goal, figure it works, meets their parameters and purchase or move forward on it and feel good about it. The latter will do extensive price comparisons, projections, reevaluations and eventually make the purchase yet second guess their decisions. Surprise.. after reading I realized I'd been an optimizer, neurotically so.
So last night I went to a computer store knowing what to look for in a system and made a purchase. I kept reminding myself of my position.. to just do it, but not be stupid cheap. So I walked out with a new computer, an additional device to transfer what was in the orphaned hard drive and tried not to go online and see if I could find the same package for less, fearing I'd bought a piece of shitake.
And it occurred to me.. that being an "Optimizer" is another form of perfectionism. That if I can't get the best product for absolutely the most incredible price, I'm a failure. And I think that's what a lot of perfectionism is.. a trap door to failure, a noose of fear.
People will comment and volunteer about what a great mother I am. I accept the compliment yet feel my failings supercede any of the positives. Whoops.. perfectionism at work again.
So I'm working on 'good enough', doing my best but not to the point of inaction. The ole Keep It Simple, Stupid comes to mind.
I stayed over night at my sister-in-law's house (the former spouse's sister) and visited with my 28 year niece. It was great fun and a very special time. Then I saw my mother-in-law with sis-in-law, had another great visit. They're planning to come see the show.. whoo hoo! It was all good.. and very positive. One thing that stood out is the sense of loss, rejection and betrayal they feel in their brother/uncle's action. I listened and let it go.
