You are in NC. A no fault divorce requires a year seperation, there is no real thing as legal seperation, and an at fault divorce takes 3 months. If you can get overwhelming evidence of her affairs, NC has the toughest adultery laws around: 3 month at cause divorce, divorce from bed and board (an emergency temporary order to kick her out of the house and typically you keep the kids), no alimony, you can sue OM for alienation of affection. And although it isnt part of the child support calculation, adultery may be considered by the judge when deciding child placement. The problem is getting enough evidence - I think it varies a lot so talk to your lawyer about whether you need evidence of sex or if multiple EAs are enough.
If Sandi is right and she is still having an affair (which was my guess too), look into getting more evidence - like a VAR to catch her on an affair phone or skype. And embarrasing audio played in a court room is certainly good for your case.
If you want to show her you have a backbone and can detatch, dont just agree with her, go on the offensive and hit her with everything. Reality will hit her quickly and you will feel like you are getting control of this which will do a world of good for your emotional strength.
