Your advice to John is the absolute BEST advice I have read so far on these forums.
I did exactly what John is doing-during the bomb, and 3-4 times after, I cried, begged, pleaded, etc. I could see in my H's eyes he despised me for being weak. So I finally stopped all that. I started agreeing with everything he said. I treat my H as the stranger/alien he is. How liberating!
Today, H said " you sure seem detached". I just smiled. Inside I am thinking "you are an a-----e! lol. But I smile and agree.I will smile and agree until it makes my face freeze into a permanent smile.
The whole splitting up thing still HURTS, and I have fear of the future, but I won't EVER let H see my vulnerability again. I can tell he is curious that I am so "together" now and there is so much POWER in that. And it's about time all of us LBS remember that, and act on it.
"I need to recognize I need to be myself and be squeaky clean and a role model of health in order for another to recognize there is something wrong with them that needs changing". (detaching website).
The clinging a LBS does prevents the WAS from looking at their own responsibility in the M failure. When we cry, cling, beg, they pity and blame us.
