WarriorShadow, You are my Home Depot brother! I've been gone from the forum as I've been working to complete yet another awesome home improvement project. It's looking awesome, but as you've said, it won't be enough, never is. However, I do agree with W that having the chop saw and pneumatice nailer around the 5-year old is not cool. I've got to end the project so I can actually enjoy myself on the weekends. I'm guilty of some yearning for self-expression in my projects (artsy side of caveman). The satisfaction of feathering the nest is personally rewarding (guilty!) but I know she loves it. However, she says "we" did the improvements. She complains, I work. How does she remember these times and dates over years? The MC asks for examples of why I feel the way I do...alone, frustrated, unappreciated, etc and I can't produce one. I'm beginning to thing the MC is totally on board with W because I'm not the raging talker. I don't think of myself of some bound up neandertal, but when you're talked over constantly it's hard not to come unhinged. I honestly think the MC is baiting me for a reaction too. It's one step forward two steps back again. Like a psycho Paula Abdul video. Detachment is constantly challenged by kid issues, and her feeling that I'm not emotionally rewarding is constantly fueled by the detachment. Grit's given good advice to drop the rope. But, I sometimes can't help the urge to defend myself. I appreciate the feedback all, and am back for more. Though the project is not completely done yet.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Good A Girl, I'm a Cervelo PS2 Carbon guy. I rode her to an Ironman Florida completion in 2007. The fact that I was passed by AARP members and Oprah's book club has no impact on the fact that, yes, I'm an Ironman. I've learned there are too many things that can go wrong on a 7 hour bike ride. Bike fit is key to avoiding the knee, ankle and hip pain that goes with it. I wish you the best in your biking efforts. Being a single dad limits the ride times, but it's fun to burn it up every now and then. Unfortunately, I find the slackers are lining up behind me for a free draft. Have fun and get the H out of mind.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Punkin, glad to know I could get a smile somewhere. Defaulting to smart-a** is in the blood. W brought the kids over today and complimented me on my progress on the home improvement project. Warrior Shadow, you are dead on when noting that knocking out these projects is my way of expressing love. I'm not very verbal, "stoic" she says. Yet I struggled to demonstrate the love. Action was the best way to show her love. To have them unappreciated was a denial of me. I told her in MC that I felt unappreciated, I get appreciation today. MHL's analogy to the house is appropriate. I'm all about the tangible, visible display, she's indicated she wants the verbal compliments. No wonder we're here. Unfortunately this project is killing my workouts. However, both are serving as visible results of my successes. There are just so many things to do. I don't want to get buried under dealing with the physical while self-reflective "digging" goes undone.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Love Language by Gary Chapman is a book that should be a must read at some point during the LBS journey. I also got my wife to read it and it did help figuring out what her LL is. There is a little test at the end.
The 5 LL are
PT = Physical Touch WOA = Words of Affirmation AOS = Acts of Service QT = Quality Time G = Gifts
The idea is that each of us speak a primary LL. Once you know yours and you can maybe guess your W, you will have a non verbal way to communicate. As we say believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do. You each may be speaking your LL and expressing your love for each other even though your words say something totally different. Sounds like your LL is AOS. But you want some WOA from her. I would recommend the book if you haven't read it. Check out the library. The book can be read in 1 or 2 evenings.
Please don't take this wrong guys. I know you need to understand everything there is to know about your S's MLC, but when do you have time to GAL when you're reading all these books all the time?
Love Language? Obviously I was a AOS, looking for WOA.Instead, I got KTC ( kicked to curb ) by a DH ( you do the math. )
