I am of the side that believes you best know when there is the opportunity to plant the seed...if you do it in a way that doesn't sound "beggy, needy" and don't give a reaction (be prepared) to his answer...if yes, don't go all gaga...if no, don't start sobbing...which can be really hard!...then no harm, no foul...my opinion
I let H know that I by no means "needed" him...my suggestion was purely out of love for him and my family...but if he didn't want that...oh well...I had a job, a home, and a life...I could find another H if I "wanted" one but he better be D@#$ sure because once that happened there was no turning back...
I know my H would have not asked to come home...the gesture would have to be mine and with some convincing if he showed interest (remember he didn't feel worthy of forgivness at that point)...
H didn't return on the first gesture or the second, third...but eventually when I tossed out there, "Do you ever think about 'us'?" he said, "Yes, sometimes." That was the first window of opportunity I saw...that began a more positive exchange for us...not fast moving by any means...and not always forward...not always without doubt or questioning myself if I had done the right thing or if it was too soon...
Only you know how to handle this...if you feel your H needs to know there is an open door...then you prepare yourself to tell him...if you think he knows...then you just go on with your work...
Even if there is an open door you both need to work seperately as you know, before you work together...
You have until Nov...I waited (the first time) until 3 days before our D was to be final to tell H I wasn't sure...he agreed to let it be dismissed...the second time I know we got close again but I kept going and having it extended...after the second extension I had to go before the judge and H went with me...to explain we needed more time...I now hold record for the most extensions on a D hearing!...I extended for 2 yrs!!!...it was only a little over 2 yrs ago that I dismissed it!
Others camp is...let him make the first move...let him believe he will lose you forever...
My opinion is this...some men(possibly more related to their upbringing and if they were abused as children or not) can't bring themselves to ask for what they want...and then there are those who can...if you have a man that has trouble expressing his needs (without the assistance of alcohol) even if when he walked out the door he seemed to express them very well but he is the type that because of a false sense of pride can't admit his failures or errors...I believe they can't ask to come home...they need to have the "open" sign flashed once in a while...but in a way that is neutral...like, "I don't need you...but if you want to come home I am agreeable to work on that" sort of thing...without drama or emotion either way...
It is toughie...knowing the right time...but my feeling is this...if it isn't that doesn't mean it won't ever be...
A thought: He might be doing this to get you to say something too...to push you financially so you will call "uncle" and tell him that you two can work together and rebuild...like the child that is selfish with all the toys but really wants someone to play with him...
Only you know...and only you have to live with it!
Sorry I could not give you the cut and dry answer...but there just isn't one
