I have a plan for money: personal loan that my dad is going to co-sign because my credit sucks and I can't get a loan on my own. I did consult with an attorney, if I remember correctly she said the grounds of adultery shouldn't be too difficult to prove should I choose to go that route. I don't know if H will contest or not. I am thinking yes because he wants it filed on grounds of constructive abandonment but then he may be so eager to divorce that he's willing to accept whatever gounds I use.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I don't know if H will contest or not. I am thinking yes because he wants it filed on grounds of constructive abandonment but then he may be so eager to divorce that he's willing to accept whatever gounds I use.
Whatever you decide to do cannot be based on how you anticipate he might or might not react. Is there mediation in your state? That might cut through some of these questions about how to proceed. An attorney will tell you these things, I expect.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
There is mediation in NY, not sure of the cost. What exactly does mediation do?
Well, you could google it, but it's generally a way for you to work out things like custody, alimony, division assets, and child support without doing it in front of a judge (court costs) using your attorneys (who charge 150 or more an hour). It's something you do so you can draft a dissolution agreement you both agree with (or your attorneys can go back and forth on it). Ask an attorney at some point.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
We already have custody and child support orders in place, there are not assets to divide and we make about the same so pursuing alimony won't get me very far. We both work for NYS so we both have the same pension plan. I have claim to his, he has claim to mine so we could just forego claim to each other's pension.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
We already have custody and child support orders in place, there are not assets to divide and we make about the same so pursuing alimony won't get me very far. We both work for NYS so we both have the same pension plan. I have claim to his, he has claim to mine so we could just forego claim to each other's pension.
So getting the dissolution agreement should be a peace of cake provided the grounds are not debated.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I asked HB to explain the difference between hope and expectation...here it is....
It is similar to detaching, you recognize that you cannot help the person in what they are going through; in that process you let them go to work on themselves, but you can still have hope that they may return one day.
Having hope and expectations is NOT the same thing...expectations is looking for a outcome, hope is letting go of the expectation of an outcome, but believing the possibility of the outcome hoped for, if that makes sense.
Hope works hand in hand with Faith; without Faith, there is no Belief, and without Belief, there is no Hope, and without Hope, the Love remaining within, can die.
Hope is like leaving an open door for a time, but not expecting anything to happen. IF a positive event happens, it helps to increase the hope within the heart....but expectations must STILL remain at zero, as this is a LONG journey, and an even longer race....even when expectations die, hope can remain alive....you hold on to Hope when you've nothing else to go on or with.
One can move foward without expectations, but maintain their hope for a positive ending.
There is hope as long as one loves the MLC spouse..if that love ever burns out, then all hope is lost.
Hope this helps!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Not much to tell about the exchange today. It was raining so H basically put DS in the, hugged him and then left. He texted me later to let me know he found a toy that DS had left. DS didn't even realize it was left there so he can wait and get it on Tuesday when he sees his father again.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Went to church this morning at my grandmother's church, they were having mass for my grandfather. The homily was about discipline. And not discipline like you do your child, but the discipline necessary to go to the gym every day, the discipline to not gorge yourself on a bag of candy. He also talked about how God will use crises in your life to help you grow spiritually. Which I can appreciate His idea, but did I really have to lose my husband to get closer to Him? So anyway, a lot of what he said echoed what everyone here has said, and I think the pieces are finally starting to click together.
I still don't know what to do about filing or not filing, and the money owed me but I'm trying to let go. I'm slowly realizing that maybe Dan needs to be on this personal journey as well, to restore his relationship with God.
As a disclaimer: Just because I got it today doesn't mean tomorrow I'll still have it.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
