I got my S's this evening, beginning of a new week. It's felt like a million years since I last saw them. I really missed them.
This morning I met in one-on-one with S5's prospective C, a family psychologist. As soon as I entered her office it was apparent that she (the C) was having reservations again about whether we really needed her services in the first place. She had flip-flopped once before in our first meeting last week.
I found out that the C had been having some scheduling troubles with xW. xW was continually reversing herself about scheduling her own one-on-one session with the C prior to S5's first session. The purpose of the meetings with the parents is to give the C enough information from the each of us such that she can form a proper assessment of S5 once he himself is present. To lay the groundwork for an eval of the child.
But given xW's sudden drop in interest and her sudden down-playing of S5's issues -- not to mention her tardiness and lackadaisical demeanor to these meetings, the C could only conclude that there was no real reason to pursue C'ing for S5, at all, not when his own mother is no longer taking it as serious as his other parent.
So the C suggested we just cancel the remaining appointments altogether and just play watch and see with S5. I could only agree, as these first sessions were to explore whether S5 had any reasons for his behaviors that might be more systemic, growing problems and to seek to remedy them as a preventive measure. If there was too little in S5's behaviors for what we were describing, even if this was all triggered by concerns expressed by S5's pre-K teachers, I myself can agree that pursuing this further might be a waste of time and resources, if this matter will resolve itself.
But after the urgency that xW had expressed about this matter concerning S5, ever since the February meeting with the Pre-K teachers and school staff, and cattle-prodding me the whole time for action, for her now to suddenly drop the matter as a priority is more than perturbing. After all the time, energy, money, favor and tons of paperwork I invested in this on behalf of our S, she ultimately decided it wasn't as important as she had previously asserted and thus wasted all of my time.
Worst of all, she left the C with the impression that I was the one being overzealous and was overreacting to S5's behaviors. That I was the one who was uptight and trying to gain control of my S's behaviors. All of a sudden -- right out of the blue -- the C began lecturing me about being unable to accept the OM as S5's "other father". She was very nice about it, but it was totally incongruous for us to be discussing what to do about S5 and trying to figure out if the lack of commitment of xW to this effort meant we shouldn't persist -- and even to start discussing the cancellation of the remaining sessions -- and almost in the next breath for her then to begin directing her words directly to me about my own fear of the OM -- when at no time up to that point had I ever expressed anything, pro or con, about him. It was the first time he came up.
I felt like I had suddenly slipped into a conversation already in progress between the C and xW.
I was very accommodating and tried to honestly engage her in her line of questioning, but it took me off guard. I began to wonder to myself just what correspondence the C and XW might have already had outside of what I thought I knew. I also began to suspect that xW had once again decided to undermine me in front of a clinical professional (wouldn't be the first time by any stretch). To throw me under the bus for her own self-serving ends.
I have tentatively concluded that it doesn't matter at this point if my speculations about their correspondence might be true or not. Or if I am merely expressing paranoia. What I do know for certain is that xW is altogether insane, self-serving, treacherous and mercurial. And she will lie, cheat and say anything to get what she wants. And whether a deliberate, under-handed ploy or just oblivious to the bitter fruit she just happens to bear, she simply is untrustworthy and an unfit person to co-parent with.
It is what it is. This is simply the lay of the land. I could hope to place a measure of trust in xW to act with fairness, consistency and reason in co-parenting our children with me. But I must be resigned to the fact that this lack of character she continually exhibits is just part of her nature now.
(In retrospect, the thing is that despite the C's sudden focus on the OM, the real threat I may feel does not come from him, not really -- it comes entirely, if anywhere, from xW. OM is nothing. A paper tiger. He is not nor could ever be a threat to me at all -- except where xW would have him be. And even then only if I allow it.)
