Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

I know that tonight she showed some small steps at initiating physical contact, and was basically happier going out with me than anytime she has been before.

Unfortunately, it still hurts that my W doesn't love me in the way that I love her right now. That's the painful part that is tearing me up inside. I now know why I have to detach - I'm just not sure either a)can or b)want to.

I know that by detaching lovingly it will invite her back into the relationship with no pressure. So why is it so dang hard to do that? I know that will work, maybe, but at least it will give me a better chance of DB this M if I detach and don't pursue.

I go through bouts of being confident in myself and being miserable with myself. It's like I'm riding this internal rollercoaster that I've self inflicted on myself.

God, help me.

We went for desert after dinner somewhere else and I asked her if she had fun planning this night, she said that she did have alot of fun researching new places to go out to, and she then began to list all the other places she was thinking about "taking me" (her words) and why she decided on the one we went to. As she was rambling off all her places, I decided to make a slight move and said:

"Woah whoah. Slow down partner. Don't tell me everywhere you were thinking about taking me and what those places are like - you'll give away all your secrets! Take me there next time."

She smiled and said she would stop talking about them... then wanted to tell me about just one more place she wanted to "take me to" and I stopped her and said "Next week, ok babe?" She seemed really receptive to that as we enjoyed our expresso and desert together.

So, I've got another date with my W... that's awkward and weird to think about.