I can relate to what your C was saying. My C and I have worked very hard in the area of "red flags" when new people come in my life. I'm not just talking about a new romantic R but really anybody that is "new" in my life post divorce. Logically I know if I am always looking for "red flags" I am probably missing out on the good side of somebody new but it's not always easy to put that logic into play.
It's like saying... gee, you are a nice person and I find you interesting and kind but you can't be my friend because you have a cat and I don't like cats. The cat must be a red flag. It's the truest form of self insulation and one that is very challenging to overcome.
I can't say how to do it exactly because I am still figuring it out myself. I guess the fact that we realize this "flaw" means we are farther along than we think.
Best wishes to your dad!
Thanks for your thoughts CG! My red flags are when people let me down, even slightly. For example, if I email a Pastor and they don't respond. If someone says they'll bring something for me and forget and don't even remember that they forgot, if someone asks how I am but doesn't seem to listen to the reply even though they usually do...you get the idea. I'm hyper vigilant to anything that smacks of "rejection" or "betrayal". The reality is that people aren't perfect either, they have their lives and responsibilities and you aren't always a priority. That's life. I think that when you live alone and don't have that anchor R to fall back on you are more aware of others responses to you...and, oh yeah, when you've been rejected and betrayed by the love of your life after 17 years, that might have an effect too!
