Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

posting from phone so please disregard mistakes...

date night went well... at least for her. i let her run the show. she picked weverywhere wwe went and i was just along for the ride... which was nice for a change. i didnt pursue her at all during any of it. before dinner i could tell she was uptight. by the end of dinner she turnes to me and said

"i really didnt want to do this tonight... but this has been fun! i am glad we did this. i like this"

left dinner she held my arm a few blocks to the car. she initiated.

all night she seemed playful giving little punches and pokes... maybe 5 total.

i mostly sat there tonight and lovingly detached. it was hard. i had to catch myself a few times i was reaching for her hand but i stopped myself.

got home she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. that didnt feel good. i hate that... why dont you just kiss me damnit?

so... i couldnt be there with her. i told her i was going out. didnt know when i would be back. she said ok have fun. i left.

i want to bust into tears this detachment tonight hurt... and even though she showed small initiative it still hurt to get that stupid kiss on the cheek. now i sit here in my car alone with my thoughts... and this hurts.


i am just so over this.