I've been following your thread for awhile. I've been meaning to write to you for awhile for the reason described below (in my 2nd paragraph)....but when I saw your post above, I knew that I had to share with you a perspective on your question above, offered by Dr. David Schnarch in his books "Passionate Marriage" and "Intimacy and Desire". I downloaded "Passionate Marriage" on iTunes and have been listening to it during my commute recently. The section I listened to today (Part 4 on Disc 2) directly addresses the question you ask above. Schnarch says that M is a people-growing machine and that in order to develop true intimacy both partners need to stretch and grow. This applies both in and out of the bedroom. In the situation you describe above, Schnarch would say that you should find some way to participate in your H's favorite hobby and he should reciprocate.
I would like to ask you for your perspective on my situation. My XH tends to 'read minds' (thinks he knows what other people are thinking) and thinks that other people can 'read his mind'. He once told me during our M that when he was in counseling at the end of his 1st M, his propensity to 'read others' minds' was identified as an issue. He learned this growing up in an alcoholic household and I think it is difficult for him to see that he is doing this. Unfortunately, I didn't realize he was doing this to the degree that he was in our M until he walked away. He thought that I should have known how unhappy he was but since he didn't tell me in so many words that he was so unhappy he was thinking about leaving our M, I did not know. He also confided a lot in his BMF and as a result tended not to tell me his innermost thoughts and feelings.
I was very interested in reading your perspective on 'finding your own voice' and applaud you for having the courage to grow in your M AND to share this process with us here. I am wondering if you would take a look at my thread when you have a chance and give me your perspective? (www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2059127&page=1) He is in MLC but he began to reconnect about 10 weeks ago. Do you think that there are certain things that I need to watch for as we begin to reconnect?
