My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Well, it's Friday night. S is out with friends. I'm ok alone tonight. Actually fairly tired. Feel myself getting a little better after a week in the dumps.

As I was driving to work this morning, I realized the emotional torture I have endured over the last 6 months. I can't think of a better way to characterize the words that have been said and the deeds that have been done. I think that at least for me to recognize and admit that the things H has said are so out of the realm of appropriate allows me to begin to feel some anger. I still have a long way to go before I will stop blaming myself - I have too many years of assuming responsibility for everyone's feelings and actions - but I am beginning to separate myself from those words and deeds. They are not mine - they are not reflective of my values. I made mistakes over the years of my marriage. I am sorry for those mistakes. I am willing to continue to work on eliminating my controlling nature, insecurity, lack of discipline, and heard-headedness! I am working on those things on my own. I need to improve my self-esteem and stop avoiding improvements because I am afraid of failure. I want to remain hopeful for my marriage and family - but from a distance. I want to be a GREAT mom, sister, daughter, friend, employee, aunt, etc. I want to be hopeful that I will end my days in a loving relationship.

I want to have a good weekend! Hope everyone here has a great one too:)