Originally Posted By: oldtimer
"I told her I feel this huge pain inside me that I just don't think others can understand."

You know, I think we really do understand. I think maybe you don't think we do because you've been avoiding looking at it yourself...

And, this is probably the most honest I've ever see you be. You are doing better than you see right now. Really, really.

So sorry about your Dad and I hope he is on the mend. Hugs.


I'm not good at feeling or presenting as vulnerable. I don't like it! grin I've fought my ass off to be where I am today and to keep my kids safe and healthy through this mess and I often feel I'm just spinning my wheels! Shrink says I'm not, you say I'm not but I don't feel it sometimes. Today I'm tired and that effects my mood. For most of this week I've been flying high and actually enjoying my little trips and time off. Initially, I was so nervous about this week alone, without work and the kids but it's been really good. Today, I'm just a little wacked out probably from the massage last night. But, I am hurting emotionally and that pain is very real inside me. My kids and my wife went away together to do something we used to do as a family, that hurts. I didn't mean to infer that DBers don't understand. I've mentioned this before, the loss of a marriage is not just an event in one's life, it's a trauma! It's like something is ripped out of your soul and it's scary to think about whether you'll ever be whole again. I'd pray more but I don't trust God either...that's being honest, anyway! I once met with my Pastor and said during the discussion about my life "I don't trust you and I don't trust God" and at the end of our meeting he hugged me and said "Whatis, thank you for trusting me tonight". I shall overcome...just not today! smile

Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White