Yesterday and today me and H talked about frustrations his job and how it affects the rest of his life - he feels worthless and unmotivated to do anything (long story short, he has a bit of a toxic situation there, his efforts are greatly unappreciated, never gets recognition but if anything is wrong a put down is always a sure thing).
So he was venting and I validated and finally he says "I don't know what to do". It was a perfect situation for me to jump in with all kinds of advice and encouragement but I stopped myself and validated again. I asked him what kind of support he's needing from me and he said there is nothing I can do and that it's not my fault, but he just has no one else to talk to. I explained that he's not upsetting me and that it's good that we're talking about it because it helps me to understand better how he feels.
Then he again said that he doesn't know what to do. I thought that maybe I should try encouragement. Earlier he said the same thing and I validated and he just dismissively replied "Yeah". So I did give him a slightly encouraging answer, I kept to specifics so that he could really relate to it. I still acknowledged that he can feel the way he feels even though it might be a more negative outlook than things really are.
He didn't respond for a long time and then finally said he was going to sleep. I realize it was a mistake to try and encourage him, but I honestly didn't know what else to say. It seems to me that sometimes we're talking about the same thing all over, just rephrasing. Possibly he felt that way too and just decided to cut the issue? I don't know what he really wants from me and it looks like he doesn't actually know either.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
