WAS Script

[AJM]

As far as I can tell, that is common and part of the script. I'm new enough than I'm not sure why it happens, but my suspicion is that they have to revise history because the facts cause a break in reality that they can't reconcile in whatever's left of their logical mind. I think in this case every vile aspersion they cast on you is intended to convince THEMSELVES that you are the cause of their misery. Whether they actually believe it or not is a grey area for me. I'm just not sure. If so, I'm truly terrified that thier minds have totally dissociated from reality.

Or, they need to build a case to lay out for other people in their lives who know both of us or at least have always believed they were very happily married. In this case their "case" has to be eggregious enough to convince their circle that they are not totally whacked out.

I can't fathom another reason for it.

A_goodman is right. But let me add a few things for you:
1) you don't want to fathom those reasons, do you? That would be insane I should think.
2) The sooner you get your self-esteem back the better. That is not to be discounted. Much of the "work on thyself" stuff is really to that end.
3) Don't discount that you may need to improve things for you. But very much - do them for you. Not for the spouse that is leaving.
4) Decide right now if you want your spouse back. If they don't love you and are not able or capable of loving you - do you want to be with them? Or are you just used to it? Figure that out quickly.

Understand that the dynamics are tumultuous. The dance so to speak. As the WAS pushes away, you pursue. That's human nature. That's normal. That's deadly unless you want to push them away.

The sooner you pull away and leave them to be in their own world, come what may, the better. Don't just change you, change the dynamic. Change you first and while you change the dynamic, but let go. Don't think that you are letting them down. Don't think that there is something else going on. Don't think that you are powerless or out of control. Don't think you are worthless. You are in control. You are still sane, although it may not feel like that at times. You are the one that will make or break the opportunity to reconnect, but it won't be right now. Move (emotionally) away as quickly as you can. Seems counterintuitive, but really, your choices are limited.
If you do not - you are going to be on that ride until you both implode and you are left to pick up the pieces.

The revisiting and repainting the past? Don't they have to do that? So you can be blamed? 'Cause it cannot be their fault, can it? (that's a nugget

Good luck on your journey. Don't check in on the WAS but rather wait for them to come to you. They eventually do after some time and after feeling like you aren't there for them . And do not agree with lies. Validate but don't agree that it is truth. It is NOT!

AJ