Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

Minor breakthrough last night. I approached him with some of the things he had said the previous night regarding him saying I do not listen to him. I brought those points up and tried to validate them. I did say it's clear that you have been building up resentment for years and everything I do just aggravates you because there is a chip on your shoulder toward me. I apologized for my part in making him feel I did not listen or respect his wishes. He said it's not my fault at all and I said we both have a part in this and I take responsibility of my part. Later in the convo I said that all I am asking for is to be respected and he knows what I need in order for that to happen. He actually looked at me without the anger/hate I have seen lately and with sadness, caring, and a realization that he had a big part in the situation at hand. That was big for me.

Upstairs I told him about the room rates at the extended stay hotel and he said it was a lot of money and I said you said you needed time alone so I encourage you to go to do that if it's what you need. The rentals around here are only done in 1 year leases so I said go to the hotel and decide if that is what you would like to do.

And then I sent the following email. I am hesitant to post here because I think you are going to be frustrated that I'm not following your advice. I am trying. I do plan to let him know that if he cannot cut off contact by Monday, he will need to pack a bag when the girls are asleep and put in his car and not come home after work Tuesday.

I felt I needed to write this to address some of his doubts. He said he doesn't want the marriage his parents have, that would be the worst possible outcome. He also feels we had problems before her (which we did) so he feels that by cutting her off we'll still have problems (which we will). But I can't work on the marriage with her in the picture.

I feel like now I have clearly explained where I stand, I have clearly stated that I am confident that we can work through this, and I have clearly stated I need for her to be removed from his life. Now I need to restate the boundary and that he needs to make his choice and take a step back.

Going to post the email below.

With that said, I do appreciate the advice, it rings in my head all day, I am trying to do what I think is best for us, including myself. And I know I can't be 'Little Bo Peep' anymore like Puppy says.