I think it's OK to let go

[TimeHeals]

Journaling:

STBXW asked her attorney yesterday to set the hearing date ASAP. It's a simple, uncontested D, so in a week she should become XW.

I am not suprised. When she first talked about reconciling, she refused MC and wanted to see "how she felt", and at first (because reuniting seemed exciting most likley), she said she was hopeful.

I am bad about following my own advice in that I know I should have backed off with no firm commitment and signs of problems. I accepted weekly dates that went from "fun and slightly romantic" to strained and almost forced in a very short time. In my bachelor life, I would have walked away early from somebody I was dating if every date seemed to be a step backward, but I didn't do that, and maybe it's for the best?

Last week things got really out of hand. She was back to "seeing signs" and attributing all sorts of meanings to synchronicities (re: confirmation bias in overdrive), and it was approaching the levels it did when she was having her failed, largely in her own head, online EA. I read this as, "if it's fate, then I am truly not responsible for my choices or actions".

My "reaction" to this escalation of "magical thinking" was not to back off (as I would tell anybody else). Tuesday I argued with her about it, and she predictably became more insistant to the point of offering dream-based revelations about how I would meet a woman with long-blond hair and a young daughter, and that we "would be very happy together".

Sigh.

So... Moving on without Mrs TimeHeals is my apparent future.

[FindingMyVoice]

I accepted weekly dates that went from "fun and slightly romantic" to strained and almost forced in a very short time. In my bachelor life, I would have walked away early from somebody I was dating if every date seemed to be a step backward, but I didn't do that

What do you think was going on there, Time? What made them strained and feeling forced?

[TimeHeals]

What do you think was going on there, Time? What made them strained and feeling forced?

On the first date (post going dark 6 weeks), she was excited, she smiled, she was positive. We shared a small kiss (the kind you might have on a 2nd or 3rd date with somebody new), and she was calling all of the time.

On the 2nd date, she invited me over to swim, she was then distant, I tried to kiss her before I left, and her body language was "full retreat".

On the third date, we watched a movie together, and parted without saying much. I called afterward to make sure she got home OK because she is afraid of being out late at night by herself.

Then things spiraled completely out of control: she sent dozens of emails, I sent about half as many replies, and every one of them was a step toward more and more distance and craziness.

The only thing left to do in the end was to agree that her decission to proceed with the divorce was probably for the best because, in her own words, she "didn't love" me, and I "wanted somebody who did" love me.

[FindingMyVoice]

Sigh. So... Moving on without Mrs TimeHeals is my apparent future.

Sorry to hear it Time, and to hear the sad resignation in your voice. She obviously has great difficulty even knowing (let alone expressing) what's truly going on in her head and heart. Just protect yourself if you can. I'm sorry to hear of you getting yanked around like this.

[TimeHeals]

You know what sucks?

Sometimes feeling that "something is broken and needs to be fixed now" and then realizing there's nothing to fix.

[FindingMyVoice]

Sometimes feeling that "something is broken and needs to be fixed now" and then realizing there's nothing to fix.

Ouch. Yah. I really feel for you. That's got to be frustrating as h*ll. I hope you're still going to head out to see the crazy statue guy this weekend? Sounds like you could use a distraction; someplace to put that energy.

[TimeHeals]

Ouch. Yah. I really feel for you. That's got to be frustrating as h*ll. I hope you're still going to head out to see the crazy statue guy this weekend? Sounds like you could use a distraction; someplace to put that energy.

It's a weird feeling. It's like the feeling you get in those dreams most of us have had at one point in our lives where something irreparable has happened, and you know it, but in your dream you go through awkard motions that you know are pointless, all things considered. It's that feeling: Nothing you can do will ever change what is broken.

Don't care for it much. Guess ... it's just a feeling, so it isn't going to kill me or anything.

[pinhead]

It's the Fix It bug. Impossible to eradicate entirely, but tamed with a huge amount of self-control and self-love.

[FindingMyVoice]

/quote]
It's a weird feeling. It's like the feeling you get in those dreams most of us have had at one point in our lives where something irreparable has happened, and you know it, but in your dream you go through awkard motions that you know are pointless, all things considered. It's that feeling: Nothing you can do will ever change what is broken.

I know that you know it isn't going to kill you, and I'm guessing you're not a big huggy type of person but ... ((((Time)))). If I could bake you a lasagna I would. I'm really sorry you're having a bad time.

[TimeHeals]

I know that you know it isn't going to kill you, and I'm guessing you're not a big huggy type of person but ... ((((Time)))). If I could bake you a lasagna I would. I'm really sorry you're having a bad time.

Ehh, I appreciate your concern, and my appetite (if not my wasteline) appreciates the virtual lasagna, but I am already feeling better. The divorce stuff... well, I let my guard down, and I took it on the chin a few times. What can you say? All's fair in love and war, they say.

I'm feeling pretty good, so I got up before the referee could count to 2 this time