I said you need to go dark, and expressed more DB tactics to her. She will start them or not, but it felt good to pass on to someone what I have done before and what new things I have learned.
Enlightening others is fun, isn't it? Hopefully she'll take what you said into account. DB tactics really do make so much sense. Unfortunately it seems hardly anyone can follow them in the beginning, when it would really matter!
Did you get a storage unit already or you still have to find one?
You seem very strong and doing a great job suriving this. And helping others always seems to be a huge help to oneself. I only hope I can bear these rocky waters as well.
Dagny.
Me 48, H49, M24, S14, S11 DB #1 4/2002-8/2003 Bomb #2 August 2010 & he moved out Living with OW
You are doing a great job. It is good to do like you did with your S to make him feel better. His whole life has been changed, and you are handling it great.
It is great to pass on some of the knowledge on this site to others. I would recommend it to anyone who is unfortunate to be experiencing the marital problems.
Keep responding the way you are to your W.
It is difficult, but you are doing the right things.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Soleil yes I have found a storage unit. Ande it does feel good to share the wisdom and tactics found here. W did send me a text today, asking since she has rearranged her work schedule can I pick S up 2 days a week at 2pm and drop him off at daycare. I told her it depends on what job i take and what my hours will be. She replied Ok, let me know I can make other arrangements. I did not respond back to that conversation anymore. I am not trying to use the kids and of course I want to see them as much as possible, but at the same time I cannot be her fallback, not really as far as the M, but her on call person to work with her schedule in regards to the kids. I will let her sit and think about it for a while.
I then sent her a text that I need the kids SS#s for health insurance forms. And also told her I wanted to take them to the gym and that I would pick them up before 4 and drop them at the daycare where I think she is working until 12 otnight.
I on the other hand am going to go out with buddies and check out the nightlife which I havent done in a while.
I need to stay patient and persistent with my actions, very tough, but really no other choice right now. It gets tough when the WAW just acts like none of this bothers her. I almost regret giving in to the hug the other day, she seemed to enjoy it more than me, and I cannot make her feel like I will be here to be her soft cushion any longer.
She has been off work for most of the day I think, and has not made any effort to get the rest of her stuff, this is typical of her, she moves 60% of her stuff in 2 days then leaves the other stuff for the last couple of days, its lke she jumps in the pool and swims 90 mph half of the way, then stops and treads water.
about to leave to get kiddos, the W texts me and asked if I could grab her make up box and mouthwash, I replied back not at home had to get stuff done, sorry. She can get the stuff herself, along with the other crap she still hasnt moved yet.
Actually PMA, She wrote back and said, I will get it on my way to work. I didnt reply, I dont need to know that and I dont need to reply back, do what ya need to do....doesnt concern me no mo>>> I think when I pull up I will text her when I am out front and ask her to send the kids out.... give her a little piece of her own medicine..
Well people it gets better, I show up at W house, and send her a text that I am outside, she replies come in. I walk up and knock, being polite its not my house, the kids open the door and both jump on me. W asks me if i have plans tonight? I said yes I do. She said I am working at the daycare late and the kids want to spend the night with you, I said its short notice and I cannot cancel my plans. Then she goes inot the where, with who and how late? said a couple buddies, dont know yet and probably late yes. She tehn gets a phone call, and is on the phone forever, she has been in her house 2 days and the A/C went out it was like 90 degrees in there. was getting impatient and told S to go tell mommy we are leaving and you will se her in a little bit. He does that and I walk with them outside. She walks out and says" your not going to let me say bye?" I said you were on the phone and you will see them in 2 hours. She gives D a hug and kiss and stands there, I dont even look at her tickle my son and get in the drivers seat.
After the gym I took them over to the daycare and W is working. I drop them off give them hugs and as I am walking out W says " I booked a client at 7 AM tomorrow" I looked at her with a look that was basically "so" she said can you watch them, I looked at her and shook my head No. She got upset and started to ignore me and talk to the kids, I started to walk away and said "*****(her name) you need to figure it out" and left.
She keeps thinking that this new "life" that I am just going to enable her and make it easy for her, well I am not, I expect a lot of resentment and anger but I cant control that. I do not like my kids suffering but if I give in to make her life easier I am not doing this correctly. The next time we talk, my boundary is going to be this: You and I need to agree on things that work for both of our schedules, not just yours. I cannot be asked to do something to accomadate you on a seconds notice. She needs to learn that if she cant book a client at a certian time because of her schedule, she needs to book them when she knows I or someone can be with the kids. She has her head so far up her @ssright now, that the world revolves around her needs, Time for another reality check sister.....
Hopefully she'll take what you said into account. DB tactics really do make so much sense. Unfortunately it seems hardly anyone can follow them in the beginning, when it would really matter!