Another rough night, I am just so surprised at myself for falling apart so completely. We talked just a bit, he said what can I do for you? I looked at him and simply said, be honest.
I would have said, "End your affair, and come back and work on our marriage with me, and don't rip this family apart."
But that's just me.
I'm not sure why you said "be honest," because he finally just HAD. The gorilla in the room is the affair itself now, and either you should go "2a" on him or "2b" (the above suggested response would only be if you're doing "2a" -- if you're "letting him go" you obviously wouldn't say that), but why pussy-foot around the issue?
Look, I know this is extremely difficult, but you've got to maintain a demeanor around him that strikes a balance between "I'm perfectly okay with what you're doing to our family" and "I'm falling apart here!" One that conveys "I do NOT agree with what you're doing, I will NOT live in an open marriage, but after taking the initial blow, I realize that I still love you, but I don't NEED you anymore, and I'll be just fine regardless."
Upbeat, but not "pollyanna."
It's a difficult line to walk, but walk it you must.
