It has been my experience on this planet that what women SAY they want, and what they TRULY want (or at least what will make them happy and fulfilled), are not the same thing.
A bit of a generalization there Puppy, not so? Strangely, I have had some experience of this with men, so I think it's more the Mars/Venus thing? Or, there are just some men who don't like to make their feelings clear, so you are left dangling in the wind, never knowing which way to go, until you just leave. Sometimes, for a man to play too hard to get, will get him left.
Men and women are all different and should be treated according to their natures. For me, if a guy plays games, I just leave. I'm not into this chase thing ... too exhausting. I don't need that kind of excitement. I want my man to be consistent with his feelings, stay true to his vows, be honorable. Just as I would. I don't need to be in a R where I'm not wanted, or I have to chase a man down to get into it. Eh, that's me .... very different to Puppy's portrayal of the women he has met. Maybe, I'm the boring type? I'm a "one man" type, and it takes me a long time to get over that "one man". But, when I do, then I am so over him, and that's what has happened to me currently.
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You do deserve someone that wants to be with YOU and only YOU. It's time for her to choose. Or YOU are wasting YOUR LIFE AWAY with someone UNDESERVING of your LOVE.
I agree with PMA, but only if you are ready, Future. It took me five years to get over my H, and we were in Piecing (or, at least, I was). I don't know where he was. I am now ready to be on my own. I don't love him anymore. I like him as a friend, and I hope we can be that.
Sorry for the hijack ... just had to address Puppy's comment. But, for the most part, I take his advice very seriously.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
It has been my experience on this planet that what women SAY they want, and what they TRULY want (or at least what will make them happy and fulfilled), are not the same thing.
A bit of a generalization there Puppy, not so?
Of course, which is why I very purposely prefaced it with the "it's been my experience" part. I'm hardly a representative sample.
I'm not saying ALL women are like that, but -- like you -- I do believe that men are women are wired very differently (the "Mars and Venus" book is one of the Top 1 to 3 books that I recommend to people, esp. MEN!!), and I do think that the MAJORITY of women do posess something in them that basically says "I know I said I wanted that, but I actually need you to call me on my bullchit sometimes."
Many women CLAIM they want the guy as described in "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Then when they have him, they find him boring and unattractive and they lose respect and -- ultimately -- interest.
As the old saying goes it takes two to tango. A third throws off the entire dance.
The tango is sensual yet aggressive - there is lots of back and forth. It's a fine example of pent up/release.
If you want mystery and excitement in a R with longevity you choose one tango partner and make the "dance" a bit different each day. There is no room for a THIRD partner. Committed R's aren't much different.
If your W wants somebody to spoil and adore her with little intention to CONTRIBUTE anything to the R tell her to call her daddy. If she wants to "tango" with you tell her to get on board. If not there are plenty of women out there who have would be more than happy to dance with you in a long term fashion and shun the idea of boredom in a R.
Indeed, Future, and nicely put CC. Puppy, perhaps you are attracted to a certain kind of woman??? If there is such a specific kind of anyone.
'Nuff said about generalizations??? As has been said, Future you will probably have to make a choice eventually, but there is no hurry. It's all on your timeline. It's probably also dependent on how your W continues to play this "game". In my opinion, of course.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Darn, I wish there was an icon for "tongue in cheek", which is what my comment was regarding the type of person you might be attracted to, Puppy. I've been with the same man for the last 24.5 years ... I have no comment to make about men in general.
Sorry again, for the hijack, Future.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Ok, I need some help here. As the trip to Disney grows closer, if my W brings up my not going again, I'm feeling compelled to say something like "I'm sad your choice to keep OM in your life makes it impossible for us to enjoy such a wonderful experience as a family." Is that a truth dart, or just more demonstration of weakness?
I guess what I find confusing is (if I am remembering this correctly) your W said a few days (weeks?) ago that the two of you had to really make your R less exposed to the children because they really were having false hope. Yet she wants you to go on vacation with her and the children? If she feels it is best to keep your daily exchanges more private then how in the world is going on VACATION in line with desire?
I guess what I am asking is it really about OM or is it more about you and your W "acting" more divorced so your children don't always think you are getting back together?
