others appreciate and respect and love me for being someone who does as much as possible for others.
Well . . . that all depends on why you do it. If you do things for others because you want do them . . . because you want to see good things happen for others . . . that's great, and people should respect that (and almost always will; it's hard not to.)
If you do things for others so that they will have to like you, or so that they will be obligated to you, or so that everyone will have to acknowledge what a nice guy you are, then it's probably not going to get you what you want. If you're doing services for your wife so she'll want to have sex with you, you're frustrated for a reason. This is a hard thing to accept about yourself (and because it's hard to accept, it's also easy to fall into a trap by deciding that your resistance means you must really have Nice Guy syndrome--when you really don't, and you're resisting the idea because it doesn't describe you.)
I did NOT enjoy dealing with my Nice Guy tendencies. I still struggle with aspects of the Nice Guy personality. For one thing, I still have few close male friends. I have many I would call close friends, but they're people I've collaborated with online and if I wanted to have a cup of coffee with one of them I'd have to drive four hours to do it. Today I reconnected with a friend I worked with a couple of years ago, and it drove home the point that I've let myself "get too busy" to hang out with this guy who lives half an hour away and has a lot in common with me. Gotta fix that.
