I think No Contact will be good for you. You need to seriously detach and get into a healthy mindset.
Letting go in these circumstances is a gift to yourself. No one can tell you to file for D. That is your decision alone. But letting go emotionally and mentally is something you can start to do NOW.
You deserve a man who will treat you with the utmost respect and place you above all other women emotionally, sexually, physically, mentally. It is a sacred thing, really. Can your H do that now ? No. From what I read he simply does not seem capable at this point in time of having a M in the true sense of the world. You need space and time away from him. If he is ever to grow and change this is where you let him go and let him do that . You will grow and change as well.
You can't go back to the same old same old. It can't be a different day, same crap behaviour. Not for you and not for any of us on this Board. Place a high value on yourself, Mystik. You may or may not reconcile. But if you do it will be when HE gets his act together. Not when he condescends to take back the woman who can't live without him.
You (we) don't have to beg or cajole or entreat or plead with anyone to love us. If we do what is it worth? We cannot manipulate or force fidelity or loyalty. They are freely given by someone who has emotional maturity, morailty and an innate sense of what is right and wrong in a M. A lot of these WAS don't get that. They aren't there yet. They may get there but they aren' there yet . Reconciling while they are still out to lunch is begging for trouble. They need to change and show a genuine desire to do work.
Let go. There is nothing more irritating and more of a turn off to a man more than a woman who keeps on clinging after he has told her time and again that he wants out. It took me a while to get this but then it was lie a lightbulb went off. Did you ever have the class nerd or whoever have a crush on you and follow you about when you made it clear that you were just not into him? Wasn't it annoying? When the class nerd suddenly GOT IT and perhaps ditched the glasses and pocket protector for contacts and cool clothes didn't he go up in your estimation?
I am not calling any of us class nerds. Just drawing an analogy.
We all feel your pain. The beautiful thing about this Board is that it is not a bunch of talking heads discussing theorectical situations and mouthing platitudes. We have all lived it and everything we say is said in love because we have been there, done some of that and have the damned T shirts.
You are a beautiful person Mystik and you deserve a lot better now. I will never tell you to file for D because that is your choice alone. But begin to fight for Mystik and leave your H and OW to their own devices.
