Hello Sandi, I hope all is going well with you. I just wanted to say thank you for you advice and support you have given me. I know I have had some slip ups since working on saving my M, but thanks to you & some others I still have hope!!
This has been a huge roller coaster to say the least, but I not done even though it feels like it is some days. This week is extremely had as it's our Anniversary & I had so much planned for us, but I will get through.
One of the hardest & biggest things I did lately was tell my W that I'm doing the best I can to move on & that I forgive her for all the hurt & pain she has caused me, as well as forgive myself for the mistakes I have made..
Then told her I have to say this if you did end up with OM I don’t know where our friendship would be. (I don’t know if OM is in the picture or just still has those “in Love Feelings”).
Not sure if that was right or not, but I want to move forward from this. Thank you for suggesting No More Mr. Nice Guy as well it was a real eye opener.
As it seems my situation is getting dimmer I still have a fight in me!!It may take her a while to see things; I just hope I haven’t moved on without giving it one last fighting chance (cause you never know).
Thank you Hope. MWD talks about the M road, and I think of our lives as if it were chapters in a big book. Coming to the end of a chapter doesn't mean the story has ended. Here's to many more chapters in your life.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi, Life does have many chapters, the funny thing is you never know whats going to happen!
I don't get on here as often as I'd like, I was just hoping to get your thoughts on this.. I know this is not very DB, but I sent a tx to the W to go out for coffee sometime as we have to get better with our scheduals about our S.
I also thought of asking W what is going on with our D if were are doing meadition still or not? The final question is if she has any second thoughts or doubts about us.
It's been a long rollercoaster ride for us both of us bascically almost 9 months. I don't want to lose hope or give up, but I cant control her feelings either. Just kind of lost and trying to move foward..
Well as always thanks for your time and hope all is well!!!
I know it's easier for me to say than for you to do, but I still believe if you would back off and leave her alone that would have a more positive affect than pursuing. To back away does not mean you've given up all hope. It's just a different way of "fighting" for your M.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank Sandi, It is hard W & I are meeting next week to talk think I will just stick to S unless she brings something up. We both have to get on a better schedule for our S. I did post a new thread just for our talk. So hope to get other opioins as well.
As always thanks for you time! Have to get back to work talk later hope!
Hey Sandi, Your post in How to Display Strength AND Loving is great!!I don't mean to sound dumb, I'm just trying to find out what the harm in asking about the mediation is? As money is an issue is for me.
The fact that I haven’t herd anything since our little blow out in July (maybe it's a good thing)? Like you said I should just back away and let her be; & still carry on with my hope and also the respect that I finally deserve.
It’s just been a tough ride and although people have told me to move on because she has/is I don’t buy all of it. I know I want to fight for our M even if it is a different way.
I don't know how to thank you enough for your advice & how much it means during this difficult time.
I also thought of asking W what is going on with our D if were are doing meadition still or not?
Just seems to me that puts all the cards in her hand and you are waiting around to see what she plays instead of you taking the reigns away from her.(Which may be what needs to be done.)
Quote:
The final question is if she has any second thoughts or doubts about us.
Are you saying that you would ask her if there were second thoughts or doubts?
Okay, you want to take her out for coffed.....which is extremly pursuing, IMHO. Plus, you are still asking her the pitiful questions. For a man who needs to leave her alone and take charge of his own life's destiny, I think it is a very bad idea.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi, Sorry to keep bothering you. You are one of the few people that still gives hope to keep going forward that you never know what can happen. With work, school, and trying to keep it together I don’t get on here to post to others or even post like I should. So I can’t thank you enough for your time advice & being a kind friend helping me out. It's been tough journey so far this year.
I have a great IC who at first was our MC back in Feb 09 she has been supportive the whole time of DB. She has especially helped me this year even with the pitfalls and helping me discover myself again. Now I’m at the point of thinking nothing is going to change, and I may have to face that fact. I love my W more than she will ever know. I don’t want to quit as a part of me feels that once I move on it will be done. I know nothing is set in stone but it feels that way.
Yes your right the coffee date is probably perusing. We just need to get our situation with our S much better. See the thing I don't understand is yes she still probably has feelings for OM or still involved which I don’t know (but think not).
It’s what she said back during our blow out in July about the separation agreement & when I did asked if she 2nd thoughts & she said yes , but we will probably end up here in a few years again.(any thoughts about that)? Why would she say yes? Or how I could forgive her after what she has done.
I guess I just feel that this is coming down to the final straw. I feel stupid that one part of me says keep fighting and have hope. While the other says she has already let go and isn’t looking back, so I should as well.
As far as the meditation Do you think I should tell W I would like to set an appointment up? Or is that a bad Idea.
Sorry my head is spinning; I even had to ask my professor for an extension on my term paper it was just for another day, but luckily she understood my situation and said it was ok.
Sat. is our anniversary & I will get through it. I'm not giving up I probably know when I talk to my W nothing has changed even if I did bring those thing up.
Maybe I just have to accept this is what she wants. I know my life will go on either way I just feel that we are both selling ourselves short of something that could be great..
Well as always thank you for your help your friend Hope
Hey Sandi, I might not get on here much more this week & you have no clue how much I appreciate your help and kind words you have offered.
I’m having a real hard time this week with the anniversary coming up Sat. I don’t get it last year at this time we were working on making our M stronger.
See I guess I feel that no matter what happens wither I leave her alone or even ask her questions about us. It won’t affect our outcome. I mean it’s been about 9 months since the 2nd D bomb and almost 4 months since I moved out & I haven’t seen anything, but many tears and emotions by both.
Maybe I’m at the grieving stage of Divorce & next would be the acceptance stage. As much as it hurts & I don’t want too but it’s probably a reality of what’s to come.
See I know I can move on and even eventually find someone; the thing is I don’t want to I miss not just my W, I miss my family, and tucking my S in good night.
The only good thing that has come out of this is that I have done things for myself again; instead of putting everyone else before me, I lost myself over the past few years (Doormat). Now I actually feel that I have my confidence back. Although I don't feel it today, I will continue to work on myself though.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to give up or shut the door on us. I guess I’m just having a really hard time, kind of like the first week I moved out. I guess they say if you really love someone you set them free. My W has no clue how much I do love her & don’t think she will until it’s all set in stone & done.
Well hope all is well with you and thanks as always Hope!!
