If I understand correctly, you can file, and then stop the process. However, I'd be careful of making that the plan. File when you decide that it's in your best interests, not as a strategy to shock him to 'his senses.'
I get that you don't want to acknowledge how he's been hurting you because of all the love he use to share with you. But what is it going to take for you to let him go. Tell me if he was treating you exactly how he is right now, when y'all first meet would you have dated him? Would you have seen him as a fit father? I don't recommend this but if you signed the papers under duress it would make it possible to have them dismissed. Though mystik you have the choice on what to do. You need to think of your well being and your S.
At this point I don't see myself ever fully letting go. By some miracle there may come a day that I ease my grasp on him, but to fully let go? I'll always love him and hope for his return.
Would I have dated him if he was hurting me like this when we first met? Yes, because I did. In the early stages of our relationship he wanted just friends with benefits, kept telling me that I should go out and date someone else, that he didn't care for me that way, even had a whore from CA he met on-line fly out so he could sleep with her. Each time he broke things off with me it sometimes took a bit but he always returned to me. I loved him and felt it would all work out and then one day he said he loved me, wanted to be with only me. And things were great. I knew he had it in him to be a good father, I saw how he was with his neices and nephews. Sure, when DS was an infant he was less than involved but as DS got older H got more involved. But the stress of parenthood and home ownership and finances took it's toll and our marriage fell apart. H claims he tried to work on repairing things but I don't recall ever seeing him put forth the effort required.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
You can't control what your H thinks about your actions or what a post divorce R will look like. The only post divorce R you need to worry about is that of a co-parent.
Mystik - NOBODY wants to get divorced. Sometimes though it has to be the next step.
You are allowing feelings to dictate your actions. The facts are your H left you, has cheated on you more than once, treated you poorly before you married, is living with OW and preparing for the arrival of a new child with her. Nothing in that summary indicates anything other than his desire to dissolve the marriage you have. It hurts but it's fact.
Your H will NOT suddenly change his mind or come over and drop to his knees acknowledging your hurt. He is too invested in this other life and quite frankly has been kicking you around for years. You are worth more but until YOU decide you are worth more your life will remain terribly, terribly painful.
You are doing nothing different than you have always done - you have always waited around, tolerated his BS/cruelty/infidelity and gave him the green light to act however he wanted. If he ever does even think about coming back (doubtful IMO) things would end the same as you are not doing anything different.
Rebuilding your life is NOT easy. But you can't keep saying "I can't". If you are cool with letting one "man" dictate the rest of your life there isn't much we can do about it.
The closer it gets to the baby being born the more aggressive your H is going to become. Read all the stories here - the more invested the wayward spouse becomes in an affair the more they push for the divorce.
Forget shocking the hell out of your H - shock the hell out of yourself and say NO MORE.
I think for right now I'm going to leave things alone. I'm too exposed, too raw and feeling too pressured by everyone to make good decisions. Perhaps after my vacation week after next I'll be in a better place to figure things out.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I am new to these boards (been here about 1 month), but one thing I have found is it only complicates things when too many people know about sitch and start giving advice or trashing the WAH. They all mean well, but the advice is sometimes harmful. And being "raw" as you say, we are vulnerable to bad advice.
Please hang in there and find strength in the forums here. Some really strong, brave people are giving some really great advice.
Thanks, Susan. It does complicate things having too many people telling me what I should do which doesn't jive with what I think I should do. So now I don't know and am doubting myself.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
First, let me add you are stronger than you realize!
There are baby steps to all of this. Every day you will get stronger.In your head, your heart, everything.
Listening to others outside this forum isn't good.I know that too well.
Listen to your gut.It's never wrong.
I think the sagest advice I ever read on these forums is to let the WAH or WAW go with love. Very hard to do, but healthy for us. We have no other choice.
I told my WAH on Wed, that I don't agree with a leg sep, but since he wants it, let's get it done.He was surprised! And today, he is very very depressed. maybe I gave him enough freedom to rethink things.But if not, I plan to move on. And it's the HARDEST thing I will ever have to do.
Hang in there and know you have really caring people on your side.
