Eric honey ... I could write eloquent 2x4's (if I was Grit) or 2x6's (if I was Cat) till the cows come home but it’s all been said ... by everyone who beat me to the boards (and yes, I’m coming out of vacation to wield this one) and more notably .... by YOU ...
Originally Posted By: eric
Originally Posted By: brooklyn
Cant control the rest.
No we can't control sh*t except ourselves. It does suck but with the step to give up the control comes the peace.
Yep.
Originally Posted By: eric on B-lady’s thread
Slowly....B will emerge...B will shine...B will prosper...and your H... We'll he will need to answer to a higher power one of these days. He will need to realize that YOU are not the cause of his anger or his issues.
E - you are not the cause of your W’s issues ... and you know this. But know what else? Your W is not the cause of your anger or issues either. Nope .... sorry dude, those are yours. And you know that too. Playing victim won’t work in these parts, and you also know that ..... so what do I think? You came here looking for the 2x4s.
Originally Posted By: eric on punkin’s thread
I wonder if we stopped looking at our spouses for a day or so and spent more time looking in the mirror at ourselves; would we not be in a better place - both emotionally and in our current sitchs.
We all know how much time you’ve spent in the mirror with regards to where you made mistakes in your past. How much time are you spending in the mirror right now? With the evolving Eric? Hmmmm? Or are you only using that time travelling mirror that takes you back in time? What about right now? Who is responsible for how you spend your time at work? Who answers your phone? Who spends money on stuff for the kids even if he shouldn’t? Who says YES when he should say NO? To his kids, to his friends. Tired? Of course you are ... in case someone forgot to tell you ... there are only 24 hrs in each day.
You want the straight up truth ... (you don’t need to answer that ... cause you came here and that's what you are going to get) ...
You life isn’t ending. There, I said it. Changing? Absolutely. But it’s not over. And yeah, some of those changes really suck. But if I’ve learned anything in the last 18 mos it’s this ... “Life is never so bad, that it can’t get worse”. Sound doom and gloom? Maybe, but it’s still true. Ok, so Pretty won’t be there every morning to kiss goodbye ... but guess what, you can call her, or skype her in ... get creative. Not everyone has that choice anymore my friend.
Originally Posted By: cat
Everyone here goes through this Eric. Everyone here is tired at one point or another.
It is all what you make of it.
Right now, you are choosing to live in the pain, the despair, the pity party. You are and you can’t tell me you aren’t.
You are scared. Scared that you will be nothing without your W. That you will have nothing without your W.
Are you nothing without her? Who completes you Eric? You or her?
I also think you are scared of something else but you need to define it, I am not gonna tell you what it is…
She’s right Eric ... you need to answer the tough questions for yourself ...
When you are ready to stop feeling sorry for yourself you will no longer be stuck. That is all up to YOU.
Someone said to me once “the best revenge is a life well lived”....
Peace T
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I've been asking you the same freakin' question for months...
Why do you keep defending your W?
You know you know what I mean. You'll talk about the demise of your marriage, how you both made mistakes, how all of this is falling on you...
And then you give 101 reasons why she deserves to act the way she does and makes the decisions she does.
"She's afraid. I understand."
"She's raised the kids their entire lives. I understand."
"It's what she thinks is fair. I understand."
Let me put it bluntly, my dearest Eric. I'm calling bull$h!t.
The others are right... this is the victim in you playing out. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it before. You can see the pain this is causing, you've admitted your part in it & have worked damn hard to make yourself a better man.
But it's not your fault. It's not. Period. You can't take the blame for the decisions she is making. Or the reasons why she is making them. By saying you understand where she is coming from & that you understand her anger you are essentially taking the blame for them. You are saying you can see her pain & her hurt because you are the root cause of them. You made her do this because you weren't good enough.
Ummmm.... No. DB 101--you didn't make her do anything.
MLC 101--she probably doesn't know wth she is doing or why, you can't understand if she doesn't.
You are taking all of this on yourself for reasons I can only imagine. It's not your fault. You didn't cause this.
So why is it so important that you continue to flog yourself for this?
No more victim. No more blaming yourself--even in a round about way. No more woe is me.
Everyone here is right. Answer the hard questions. Stand up. Dust yourself off. Get to steppin'.
When you're up you can turn around and slam me back with that same 2x4, NY style--just like Brooklyn said. You can't swing back until you let go of everything else first though.
You're a good man, Eric. You don't have to do this to yourself. You don't deserve it.
You do not deserve it.
You did not deserve any of it.
Get it?
(((hugs)))
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
