My wife buries herself into Solitaire on her iPad, with the TV on in the background. I feel compelled as well to engage her in talk, but I'd rather read a good book than reward her passive aggressive behaviour.
PH, I think I agree with timeheals that the best plan is just go out or otherwise occupy yourself. The problem being in the same room makes it look like you are not talking which I find sometimes increases the tension.
on the other hand i hate her thinking by acting like this she can make me uncomfortable in my own home so i usually find something to do in another part of the house and don't even acknowledge her bad behavior.
Although i must say I lost it a couple of days ago and brought it up. i just told her that if living with me is the cause of all her anger and misery then she should really leave for her own sanity. She apologized and snapped out of it for a bit.
My attitude right now is that as separating is a part of her much stated plan then I do not have to be afraid of anything that would cause her to leave.
This type of behavior is not acceptable. Its not acceptable if you do it, nor is it acceptable if she does it.
My wife buries herself into Solitaire on her iPad, with the TV on in the background. I feel compelled as well to engage her in talk, but I'd rather read a good book than reward her passive aggressive behaviour.
PH, I think I agree with timeheals that the best plan is just go out or otherwise occupy yourself. The problem being in the same room makes it look like you are not talking which I find sometimes increases the tension.
on the other hand i hate her thinking by acting like this she can make me uncomfortable in my own home so i usually find something to do in another part of the house and don't even acknowledge her bad behavior.
Although i must say I lost it a couple of days ago and brought it up. i just told her that if living with me is the cause of all her anger and misery then she should really leave for her own sanity. She apologized and snapped out of it for a bit.
My attitude right now is that as separating is a part of her much stated plan then I do not have to be afraid of anything that would cause her to leave.
This type of behavior is not acceptable. Its not acceptable if you do it, nor is it acceptable if she does it.
DLS,
Which behaviour? Mine, my W's, or what Khudoo is thinking?
Also I remember one time I mentioned how quiet our home is these days she responded that i wasn't talking either. She was correct but i didn't really know how to break the cycle.
I like this idea as I know she is curious what is going on but i was trying to get her to initiate things
My wife buries herself into Solitaire on her iPad, with the TV on in the background. I feel compelled as well to engage her in talk, but I'd rather read a good book than reward her passive aggressive behaviour.
PH, I think I agree with timeheals that the best plan is just go out or otherwise occupy yourself. The problem being in the same room makes it look like you are not talking which I find sometimes increases the tension.
on the other hand i hate her thinking by acting like this she can make me uncomfortable in my own home so i usually find something to do in another part of the house and don't even acknowledge her bad behavior.
Although i must say I lost it a couple of days ago and brought it up. i just told her that if living with me is the cause of all her anger and misery then she should really leave for her own sanity. She apologized and snapped out of it for a bit.
My attitude right now is that as separating is a part of her much stated plan then I do not have to be afraid of anything that would cause her to leave.
This type of behavior is not acceptable. Its not acceptable if you do it, nor is it acceptable if she does it.
DLS,
Which behaviour? Mine, my W's, or what Khudoo is thinking?
Whomever mentioned that someone is making someone "uncomfortable" in their own home, so that they have to go into a different room. Any overly aggressive, or putting on the "hook" or getting you to walk on eggshells, etc.
I mentioned that. Its not aggressive behavior just the fact thats uncomfortable sitting in a room with someone you know and experience silence for hours at a time
So tonight got into a discussion with my W regarding selling the house which she has been pushing for. She had it freshly painted to help it sell. She was all excited about the new colors. Strange attitude.
She also mentioned that since we are getting along better we should not be in a hurry to sell and just wait till we get a good price rather than sell low to get out. She then mentions friends of hers in the same sitch that waited a year to sell. I said that I have NO intention of living like this for a year and her comment was "why are you being an a$$hole"
This is so difficult. You try and hold them back and the hate you. You try and hurry them forward and the hate you. What do they want.
To have her way! Look, she's calls you an AH when you don't bow down to whatever she says. Do what you think needs done and don't try to please her. Pleasing one another should be done when you are in a loving R, not getting a D.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
They want everything on their terms, on their timeline. You're just a speedbump on their road to Nirvana. So be prepared for more of this. Do what you think is right for you, not for your wife.
To have her way! Look, she's calls you an AH when you don't bow down to whatever she says. Do what you think needs done and don't try to please her. Pleasing one another should be done when you are in a loving R, not getting a D.
Sandi, At this stage obviously I am doing what needs to be done and am taking care of myself. She is friendly sometimes but anytime it turns to any point of contention her anger shows through.
My strategy is to stick to my guns but try to difuse any arguments by explaining why i am taking the decisions I take. I do not make any choices for the express purpose of either punishing her or delaying her departure so after i explain myself she usually calms down.
Is this it from a DB point of view. I guess any move on the R front has to come from her and there is nothing left for me to do correct ?
