My wife buries herself into Solitaire on her iPad, with the TV on in the background. I feel compelled as well to engage her in talk, but I'd rather read a good book than reward her passive aggressive behaviour.
I would talk about what's going on in your life - work, family, hobbies, health, spiritual, emotional. What you are learning, doing, thinking, planning and dreaming about. You don't need her to engage to do this. A WAW is dying inside to know these things (intomesee) and it's not pursuing or rewarding CB to talk about yourself. It makes you interesting and attractive because you are a man of action, plans and dreams. It's powerful, try it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
My wife buries herself into Solitaire on her iPad, with the TV on in the background. I feel compelled as well to engage her in talk, but I'd rather read a good book than reward her passive aggressive behaviour.
PH, I think I agree with timeheals that the best plan is just go out or otherwise occupy yourself. The problem being in the same room makes it look like you are not talking which I find sometimes increases the tension.
on the other hand i hate her thinking by acting like this she can make me uncomfortable in my own home so i usually find something to do in another part of the house and don't even acknowledge her bad behavior.
Although i must say I lost it a couple of days ago and brought it up. i just told her that if living with me is the cause of all her anger and misery then she should really leave for her own sanity. She apologized and snapped out of it for a bit.
My attitude right now is that as separating is a part of her much stated plan then I do not have to be afraid of anything that would cause her to leave.
Coach - perhaps that's why my wife was so interested in the self help books I've been reading?
You asking me or telling me?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm going to approach her "quiet" periods differently. When not talking about myself per Coach's awesome advice, I'm going to try and get her off the coach to do something fun. Hard I know with the girls in the house, not like we can go salsa dancing, but maybe see if she'd like to play a game or something. Mix in some chitchat about me, to build intomesee...
I would talk about what's going on in your life - work, family, hobbies, health, spiritual, emotional. What you are learning, doing, thinking, planning and dreaming about. You don't need her to engage to do this. A WAW is dying inside to know these things (intomesee) and it's not pursuing or rewarding CB to talk about yourself. It makes you interesting and attractive because you are a man of action, plans and dreams. It's powerful, try it.
So Coach, Are you saying to engage her in conversation regarding what is happening in my life. I have thought about this and one of the reasons is she knows and likes most of the characters in there but has completely cut them all off since she went WAW. I am sure she is curious about what the news is but just wont ask.
Are you saying to engage her in conversation regarding what is happening in my life
Not exactly. You won't have a conversation until she engages. Tell stories that don't need any input from her.
What you accomplished at work.
Stories about your friends.
Where did you go for lunch.
What plans you are making.
Something that made you laugh.
etc.
Make sense?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
