Wife states she is not in love with me anymore!

[FaithnAK]

I have been looking into buying the DR book.
What is the objective of the other book?

It's a relationship manual for Men. Helps you really evaluate how YOU can make a difference in your marriage and YOUR life and how you move forward. IMO it goes great with DR, but more customed to you.

Depending on your self esteem and confidence right now I also recommend:

No More Mr. Nice Guy
and
Ways of the Superior Man

You need to use this time to better yourself and focus on you so that you can be the best MAN and Husband you can be.

Read DR first

[HopelessInLove]

I am thinking twice about confronting W on her feelings.
Is there anything I can ask her about the R in such a way as to not pushy?

[FaithnAK]

I am thinking twice about confronting W on her feelings.
Is there anything I can ask her about the R in such a way as to not pushy?

Nope. Let her come to you and when she does just listen.

[HopelessInLove]

My W will be starting back to work and the situation at her work is not a good one.
I was thinking of trying to do something nice for her for her work environment.
Not looking for anything in return just a friendly move, whould this also send up red flags to her?

[pinhead]

That's pursuing. Stop. It's unattractive to her, and it will just push her further away. Control the urge to "do something" right now.

[FaithnAK]

My W will be starting back to work and the situation at her work is not a good one.
I was thinking of trying to do something nice for her for her work environment.
Not looking for anything in return just a friendly move, whould this also send up red flags to her?

Is that something you normally do? Or is this something you would be doing to show how much you love her?

Anything that you do is considered pursuing. You really need to follow that list from Sandi and take a timeout til she comes to you.

I strongly suggest you read DR and the other books I mentioned. This is very tough to handle so keep coming here to ask what you should do. Just like these questions. : )

Please understand that anything YOU think is the right thing to do right now, more than likely IS NOT.

Sandi2 was a WAW, she composed that list from DR and her own persoanl feelings. Please keep coming here for advice and listen to the vets.

[HopelessInLove]

I just ordered some of the recommended books. I will read them and try to follow them to help my sitch.
I have not done it in the past. So, I will not do anything!

[HopelessInLove]

I listened to my W and am giving her the space she wanted before.
I realized that I may be trying to change someone who does not want to change. If that is the case then I need to figure out what will be best for me and make me the happiest.
After asking her to define what she means by loving me but not loving me. She could not give me the answer.
I felt that I would continue to be in her thinking space. I told her that it is my decision to give her that space and to move out.
I felt at that point I could think more clearly and then put more effort into my children and myself.
I was assertive and told my W how I will handle the children.
I finally feel that I am controlling my own situation.

HIL

[HopelessInLove]

It has been a while since I have posted.
I posted once on WAW thread but no responses, maybe I will get more here?

I have read and reread DB/DR and N.U.T.s and I have to say a lot of good info. I have had a couple coaching calls and have felt very good talking with my coach.

She has given me some goals to draw boundries in my R because she feels W is just walking all over me. This has been difficult to accomplish. For example my older D has been avoiding younger D when she wants some affection (a hug or kiss). I had a convesation with the OD because she is being nasty. This happened yesterday. Today this situation happened again and W saw it. She told the YD to stop because the OD did not want to give her kiss. I got irritated and side to W she was undermining me with what I told the kids. W recoiled and told OD to give her sister kiss and that was not appropriate. My question is how do I state something like this without showing my anger?

Another thing my coach wants me to work on is not having any expectations or strings between W and I. W typically feel like I am doing things around the house or things for her and I expect something in return. W has been overwhelmed at school(her work), with the kids, house, and her health. She is to proud to ask for help, so last Saturday I showed up at my house after my kids were in bed and helped her clean the house. She was at first very upset at me, then she accepted my help for 3 hours and then thanked me and I left.The following morning she reached out and touched my hands and kissed my cheek. Last night we talked a little and she said she did not want any physical contact, because she did not feel that way about me right now and did not know if she would ever feel that way. Is she confused about her feelings?

[robx]

After the last time I mentioned the word D. She started to talk to someone.
I suspected something and did some investigating. I found out that she was talking to OM. I confronted her and she denied a PA. Though I think maybe an EA was developing.
I asked her to back off with OM and as far as I know it is only business with him now.
She has stated the changes she would want to see. I have made a whole-hearted honest attempt at change. In my view the trnsformation has started and will not be stopped.

You think?

I KNOW the EA is developing.

Regardless of a PA or not.