what did she experience when I was a pin head…what did she feel when I was a selfish traveling career dude. Did she feel the same? Why didn’t we talk? Why didn’t I see it coming?
And
I will quote from one of my favorite Cohen Bros movie
Originally Posted By: Raising Arizona
Yeah and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its a$$ a hoppin'
Can't control this shiznit
Better to leave it on the shiznit pile where is belongs...
All the wishin' don't make it so.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Okay…thanks for the 2x4’s as gentle as they were. These fuc*ing emotions man. I know I am cycling. I know what I need to do. I know…I know…I know…. (Mach you can hit me for the I know later)…
I reread my post and yep…fear..and victim screams out at me.
Damn I need to do better BUT (yes it is an excuse)…can’t I feel like sh*t for a few days? Seriously, I am getting up. I think I realize that what I may be feeling is the effects of my changes.
It is my old self dying and fighting to stay alive…fighting to stay alive because it is comfortable and because I am afraid.
The biggest change is control. I can’t control this and it pisses me off. I can’t control what my W does and I know it – yet I am still struggling with this. Fu*k…Fu*k….Fu*k… this dying is painful – yet I know necessary. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Quote:
How many of your complaints were brought on by yourself ?
Good point Mach. I am projecting my fear. I do not know what will happen.
Quote:
You have some choices to make. Some tough ones. I wish I could tell you that it's going to be easy.
Your right B…I have some very tough choices to make. Choice that I and I alone must make. I am soo scared of making the wrong one. I have done that way too often in my life and the consequences of these choices are huge.
Quote:
I wish I could take away the pain.
You know I know if you could you would. I do. Thanks B…
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Doesnt matter what YOU perceive their feelings to be.
The key word is “perceive”…once again…projecting my fear and pulling out the old crystal ball that I tell everyone we don’t have.
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You have an expectation of your W and your M and your life that just isn't reality.
Spot on Grit…I do…I still have an expectation of some level of civility or kindness that right now is none existent. I expect..expect and expect…Can’t anymore. Just can’t.
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it is your GUILT that is holding you back.
Yep…I know Miss…that guilt is a tough animal to let go of.
Time to get up and instead of working…sit still for a while.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sweetie, you can feel like sh#t as long as you want. Me, I'd rather not. But, that's just me. Feel it, embrace it, get it out, let it wash over you and then move past it. Cause it you hold onto it, it weighs you down, it saps your energy, it makes you weak. I know of where I speak. I promise you.
Ok, listen, I know about the beating yourself up for the way you were in the past stuff. Ask Mach or Cat how freakin' long I did that to myself.
I would be lying if I said I never do anymore. But, here's the thing, I forgive myself. I do. I did the best I could with the knowledge and tools I had at the time. If I knew better, I would have done better. I know that for a fact. I never acted the way I did with the intention of hurting my h. I did it for a lot of reasons. Those arent important now. What is important is, I changed them. I used the knowledge to propel me forward. I am becoming the person I want to be.
My friend, forgive yourself. You were who you were. Hindsight is 20/20. You did the best you could at the time. Had you realized all this, you would have changed it.
The crime would be if you didnt look inside. If this happened and you stayed the same. But you didnt.
You cant change the past. You just cant. You can learn from it. You can remember it. But you cant change it.
So, did you take from it what you needed to?
Did you change the things that needed changing?
If you did, then, you must now look to the future.
Dont let what happened then stop your journey.
God, grant us the... Serenity to accept things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, and the Wisdom to know the difference Patience for the things that take time Appreciation for all that we have, and Tolerance for those with different struggles Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.
I feel like I am reading the same old same old Eric. From the Eric that came to this board many months ago…
That was a wonderful pity party…
Want to hear mine? I had a H who is a civil servant. I have always been a married single mom. Easy no, but I have never complained about it. No matter how hard it has been at times. Bla bla bla…and then some…
So Eric has to take care of himself. So Eric has to take care of his kids. So Eric has to do the housework.
So life handed you yet another raw deal…
So Eric is tired…
Everyone here goes through this Eric. Everyone here is tired at one point or another.
It is all what you make of it.
Right now, you are choosing to live in the pain, the despair, the pity party. You are and you can’t tell me you aren’t.
You are scared. Scared that you will be nothing without your W. That you will have nothing without your W.
Are you nothing without her?
Who completes you Eric? You or her?
I also think you are scared of something else but you need to define it, I am not gonna tell you what it is…
3 weeks huh?
Three weeks until the end of your world, or maybe a new beginning?
Eric, it is time to pull up your big girl panties and stop…
You are stuck because you are letting yourself be stuck. Because it is where you want to be right now.
Until you decide to change that, nothing will change.
I don’t know that I have any more words right now.
You can tell me where to go, it’s ok…
Your reply, post it here. My phone is off.
Oh and yes, I saw your first reply...
Answer the hard questions...
Please.
Last edited by cat04; 08/19/1006:10 PM. Reason: missed a word
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Eric!!!!! I am so sorry you are having a bad couple of days. It happens to ALL of us!!!! Not that these words make it any easier...
I want you to do something!!! Start concentrating on everything good in your life and start doing it now. Every time you start thinking 'victim' thoughts and 'victim' feelings...pause..and think about something you are so grateful for. You are starting to sound like me...so I am here to shake you!!!
You cannot control your wife and your current marital sitch...you know this and I know you know this...but you do have control over the rest of your life. I know how much your work and family mean to you. YOU are letting this sitch effect your job and career. You have choices here and you know it. Start harnassing this negative energy and turn it into postive energy. Start committing to your work again...start committing to yourself. Your family is going to be OK no matter what happens. Continue being true to Eric...your children are taking in everything. You may not feel it right now...but they see this...and will learn from your actions..and will admire you some day. Stay the course!!!! You're not alone.
I can’t control what my W does and I know it – yet I am still struggling with this.
You are right you can't control this. You have overcome some pretty hefty things in your life. You can overcome this too. Look it square in the eye and take it on.
I enjoyed reading your very thoughtful post of your feelings. I do think it is good for you to get your thoughts out and vent some here. The chaos and agony you are going through can sure beat you down. It is okay to have those feelings.
I just want to cheer you on. You are an inspiration. I also want to let you know that getting a divorce is not all that bad. Things will get much better for you in short time.
Cat - after I take the splints out of my as* I will respond. Probably later on tonight. Thank you for the challenge.
Mach - Since Cat has already wacked me I expect that you will cut me just a little slack. Or is that an expectation.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Oh...and FTR CAT....they are not panties...Thongs only here girlfriend. Nothing like the feeling of something creeping up my A**.
Mach / Grit...I expect a response to that one.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I agree with Kerry that you gotta get that stuff out. Exorcise those doubts; shoulda, coulda's and if only's. They have no place in your life anymore.
Have you seen the benefit of the exorcism? I have.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE RESPONSES IS PURE GOLD!!!
I've seen so much good advice and support here I had to copy and paste it into my personal DB file.
You have everything you need in these responses. And I also know from seeing your own posts to others that you are COMPLETELY capable of internalizing this stuff.
It's all here!
Motivation Lumber (everyone needs some on occasion) A couple vigorous "shakes" Support Consolation Reframing Objectivity (Tough to see your sitch clearly when you are IN IT!) Re-focus
