Quote: You are pursuing him and probing and trying to get answers from him. He is obviously very resistant to you and r talks. I get the feeling that he just doesn't have the "mental space" or physical space to figure out what he really wants for himself without you on his back.
The c had been telling me to try the stuff in Love Languages book so that is why I've been asking him once a week what 3 things I could do to help him feel more loved. I was only following directions and if h didn't answer well then I waited until next week. I've only asked twice. R talk about my feelings just happened yesterday...after 2 months of nothing. When he got mad, it caught me off guard and I responded with fear wanting to exactly what I had done wrong. You are right I should have just left but once he got to being rude (putting our stuff out by the front door, cleaning the carpet so it was wet and we couldn't walk any where inside, saying make sure to get ALL your stuff and get out) I started speaking up. You are right I should not let him talk to me like he does. It is just that I'm so scared to challenge him. But should he call today to ask me over, I'm going to say no, I need a break too, need to have some fun tonight. But most likely he won't call. He gets off from work in an hour and is going out to buy him some new golf clubs so he won't have a thought for me.
Quote: Another thing, it is IMPERATIVE that you and I QUIT trying to read into every little comment that the h's make. Quit asking what he meant by that, how he feels, please talk to me, etc.
I noticed that he began to say more anti-r stuff this week as a result of getting mad. I let the last 3 days of this roll off my back. It was when he got rude, loud that I reacted yesterday. At the c's request I did ask some questions but if he didn't respond my attitude was oh, well I'll wait to ask again NEXT week. You are right though I need to let go of reading into what he says. Half the time I don't really believe him anyway though I try to give him the benefit of the doubt by being positive....until proven otherwise.
Quote: You are giving him the power over you to determine how you feel about yourself.
Yes, he wore me to a frazzle trying to please him. I definetly see he has been lording it over me here in the last couple of days. making me question who I am and if I am ok. He makes me feel so wrong like NO one could ever like me!
Quote: What else can you do differently? Stop ALL R talk. Let him do his own thing and do this on his time. Get on with YOUR life for YOU and your children. (to see as examples) You are NOT a weakling! Start saying you and yours yourself regarding him saying I instead of we. What if you talk like that too?
These are good! I definitely need to stop saying yes every time he calls to ask me over. I've not turned him down. Usually when I say no or that I made other plans, he comes back with well I guess you don't want to fix the m! So then I give in.
Quote: Take charge of the sit. Do not be a doormat. Tell him to call you when he can speak with you politely.
I told him that last night...why are you so rude with someone you are trying to build a new r with? But I guess I ruined my stance when I called back and said I didn't like how our conversation ended...me leaving cause he was rude. That's when I gave him the power to blow me off and he did!
It's just hard...we have 45 days until we have to appear in court to decide if we want the divorce or not. Our d papers have been signed, all material things have been divided, and he's signed the papers...we just need the judge to ok them which will be done February 13. That is if h agrees to the d. H halted it back on Nov 17 to my surprise! Who knows what will happen Feb 13.
