Have you read the 5 Love Languages? We men are often pretty clueless about giving our wives the type of love and respect they desire. I thought that just "loving" her was enough. Hah. Shows how much of an idiot I was.
Does anyone here think I don't love her enough??!!!
Does your wife feel loved by you? Not are you loving her enough but are you loving her the right way. The way she needs to feel loved. When you can make it all about her without losing yourself, you both will feel loved because then she will love you the way you want.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
If you look back 20 pages or so in this thread, you'll see not only have I read 5LL, during our attempted reconciliation, we went through the tests together, had a great time, and I felt we made real progress. She took the book with her, and has now recommended it to several of her MC clients. Doesn't matter though. I know I'm hitting her LL effectively now, but without the chase, I don't think it's enough. Earlier this year, not only was I NOT hitting her LL, I wasn't even SPEAKING to her, for months! The result was her trying to seduce me. The spark was absolutely back, she was thrilled being with me, she wanted physical contact all the time. As I came back to her, and as she realized I did want reconciliation, her feelings waned. The challenge was gone. I am worried that even if I truly go away, date other women, keep her at bay long enough that she's begging for me back, that once I let her back in, the same thing will happen again. I'm a one woman man, and I want a committed R. That just might be incompatible with who she is.
Ah, sorry Future, there are so many pages to wade through that I missed that.
How can you keep the "chase" alive? How can you romance her? Do you fall into ruts with her? What about you thrills her? What are you doing when she feels the challenge is gone? Are you treating her differently? Are you always at her beck and call? Does she know that she can control your actions?
Yeah, it's tough. If you are coming at her, she isn't interested, so how to be a confident, charming, affectionate man who is also a challenge?
Don't kiss her but when she's naughty, but don't be a jerk either. Don't give up your ME time either. Stay true to yourself and expect to be tested. Let her seduce you sometimes--kitty needs a challenge, so it's OK to be charming and even flirty, but don't fall all over yourself trying to get her into bed.
Why does it have to be so hard, eh?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
It has been my experience on this planet that what women SAY they want, and what they TRULY want (or at least what will make them happy and fulfilled), are not the same thing.
It has been my experience on this planet that what women SAY they want, and what they TRULY want (or at least what will make them happy and fulfilled), are not the same thing.
Puppy
Time to recycle the old Benny Hill bit.
H- "When you say no, do you really mean yes?"
W- "No."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am worried that even if I truly go away, date other women, keep her at bay long enough that she's begging for me back, that once I let her back in, the same thing will happen again. I'm a one woman man, and I want a committed R. That just might be incompatible with who she is.
What does she say when you tell her this? Does she believe you? I agree with you. It's time for her to make a decision. It's time for YOU to decide if this is the end or not. You do deserve someone that wants to be with YOU and only YOU. It's time for her to choose. Or YOU are wasting YOUR LIFE AWAY with someone UNDESERVING of your LOVE.
