Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[steady]

I totally agree with Coach. You are attempting to draw a boundary but you are wavering on it.

Cut off contact with OW or leave. It's your choice. Make it by _____ because I have decisions."

Period.

You going back in after that to tell him you don't want him to move out just takes the boundary you set and negated it.

I understand the fear you have. You set the boundary, he called you on it, you backed away from it because you fear what it will mean to you, your children, him, your family, your dreams, your hopes, your desire to put your M back together, etc....

When you slide your boundaries around like that he will continue to waffle in his decision. There is no one putting his a$$ in the fire and making him responsible for himself. PERIOD.

Let me propose this -

You set the boundary. You dig in and stick to it. He moves out in three weeks. Being out of the house he has plenty of time and space to sit in his own sh!t. He realizes he is being totally irresponsible and takes it upon himself to make it right.

He comes back and the two of you repair your M and have a better R than before.

If you knew this would happen for sure - guaranteed, what would be different for you today? How would you be acting differently? Wouldn't the decision to hold your boundary be a no-brainer?

No one can tell you what will happen. There are no crystal balls out there. You need to reclaim YOUR power, YOUR dignity, YOUR self respect.

It's yours. Will you claim it?

So do I help him pack up or just leave him alone in the house?

Don't help him. Let him do the work.

I think he rationalizes that it's ok b/c it's not physical,..

Of course he is rationalizing. They will twist everything to justify their behavior.

... and I don't know if they will ever stop contact.

If he doesn't what will you do? You can't guess the future, but sure as h3ll can draw boundaries and make decisions for your self-preservation.

...She is devastated right now and clinging on to him for life.

This cr@p about still staying in touch with OW is a bunch of bull. It doesn't matter if she's a wreck - that's her problem. She got involved with a M man. Too bad for her. She's an adult and she needs to take responsibility for herself. It's not your H job to soothe her and somehow 'protect' her from the consequences of her actions.