Cindy, Yes....I kknow it's hard to fix something they won't tell us. I get vague answers when I ask what he wants, or I get the "I don't know" answer too. It is unerving. I know exactly what you are feeling.
I get rejection like you do. That hurts. Bad. I can't understand how he can't see he's hurting me, but then I wonder, does he really care right now??
Like you, I have no answers, and it seems nothing has changed in the 2 yrs. we've gone back and forth on this whole thing.
Everytime we get close and I think, this is it, he pulls away again because he is not ready to totally commit to me by coming home.
I told him last night I didn't think he was ever coming home. He's plenty pissed at me for what I siad to him, but I really have nothing to lose because I really don't have him anyway.
Yeah, supposedly he does not see OW anymore, and we are together alot, but it's the way he TREATS me that matters.
It's not like he really is in love with me. Sometimes it's better than others, but it's never what I need it to be.
LL, this is probably not helping your sitch, but I do want you to see that I am dealing with pretty much the same attitude from my H that you are with yours.
We have not seen lawyers or even talked about D. Oh, It's come up when I've asked him if that's what he wants and when he's mad he'll sarcastically say yes. When I get him to seriously think about it he really does not want a D.
I told him last night he wants his cake and eat it to.
It's pretty much what's happpening, and I htink your on the right track to go out and do your own thing and forget about this for awhile.
I've been trying to control our sitch, and I need to back off. It's just a fine line of detaching and backing off and still know how much to pursue and when.
I know I have to pursue my H or we would not see each other and that would drive us further apart. It has before when I stopped.
I guess the thing to do is to detach emotionally without treating them the way they treat us.
I have no idea what it's going to take to get my H to want to come home. I did tell him I wouldn't live like this forever and I won't, but for now, I do.
I'm still fighting for my M. Maybe I'm doing all the WRONG things and that is why this is taking so long. I just know I can't MAKE him love me enough to come home. He really doesn't even think of our house as "home."
That kinda shows me where he's at in this.
LL, don't give up just yet. Hang in there with me. Let's figure out some things we can do different. I KNOW there are things I can do different! Rachael
