Ominus Bonus

[steady]

Wow. I just had a nice realization a few minutes ago. I was thinking about how Whiskey Tango had posted "You treat people the way they deserved to be treated."

Because I've been listening and reading No More Mister Nice Guy it's really sparked my thought process in this area.

In the past I would treat people with understanding and kindness (for the most part as best as I could) regardless of how they were being toward me.

To me there was a conflict between 'treating people the way I wanted to be treated' and 'treat people the way they deserved to be treated'.

Then I realized - I would want to be treated the way I deserved to be treated. If I'm being a smuck I would want to be treated as a person who is being a smuck. If I'm out of line I want to be called on it. If I'm being selfish I want to be treated as someone who is behaving that way. To me, that's taking full responsibility for myself. Therefore, if someone is lying and fabricating things about me (my W is currently on a tear doing this) I will treat her like someone who is doing that to me.

So with this in mind I draw boundaries that say I will not accept that kind of behavior. I will not be friends with someone who treats me like that. I will be pleasant and civil toward her but I will not treat her as I would treat a friend. I will do my best to be this way especially for my children. If she pulls unacceptable behavior toward me I will call her on it.

I will protect my boundaries because I know I am worth protecting.

If her behavior changes, I will change my behavior and boundaries accordingly.

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