Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

Ugh, I hate to write this update. It started off well and went downhill.

As you may recall he went to see OW 500 miles away this past weekend. I backed off him Monday night and didn't bring up anything b/c he only had one hour of sleep the prior night - didn't feel like that was the time. Tuesday night he was supposed to be on call, but came home for an hour and then back to the hospital - came home and rocked the girls to sleep. So then was Wed. night. He had planned to go see a band with a few new coworkers which I actually think is great - we need to establish a life here. But I couldn't put off this discussion any longer. So at 11:30 when he got home I went in to talk to him.

I calmly stated everything I had rehearsed in my head about boundaries 'When you do....it makes me feel.... I will not continue to feel disrespected and betrayed in my marriage.... I need you to decide if you can cut off all contact with her immediately (put a block on the phone and block her on FB) or I will need you to move out in 3 weeks time to start the next phase of my life....'. He said ok. I said, so what is your choice? He said do I get more than 10 seconds? So I said sure, and looked down at my water bottle. I think he was mad. He said how could I give him one minute to decide, and I said you have had weeks, including a whole weekend away with her where I did not contact you one time.

He did get mad and said he hates everyone. He has been 'trying' to cut off contact with her (and from those who know her I know she has been absolutely miserable). He said she texts her and he just writes 'have a nice day' and tries to end it. I said she obviously wants more than you do and it needs to stop. He threw the phone over toward me (next to me on the bed) and said fine, block her, whatever, take my phone, do whatever you want, I don't care anymore, I don't want to be near ANYONE or ANYTHING and I will gladly move out to be alone. You can keep everything!

So I mentioned the kids and he said he does want to see them, he said he'd love to take them. I said you would fight me for custody? He said no, I won't fight you for anything. I just want to be ALONE. I'll move out in 3 weeks.

I retreated to my room. Couldn't help but cry, not for me but for my girls. I feel I have tried all I could be WE haven't tried at all to save this. I don't want them to not live with their daddy or for him and I to share them and jostle them around between houses.

Against all the DB'ing advice in my head I went back to his room and said these are not tears for me, obviously I'm not in love with you right now considering all the treatment I've gotten but these are tears for our girls. They are babies, they were practically just born and we are about to tear everything apart? Is this really what you want?

He responded - I know this is key so someone help me here - and he said 'I just gave you an answer so you would GO AWAY and now you are back. GO AWAY. What do you want? Just LEAVE ME ALONE, I don't want anyone. I don't want her. I don't want you. I don't want anyone.'

The fact that he said he gave me an answer just so I'd leave makes me think maybe he DOESN'T want to move out? I don't know. I kept talking (against DB'ing again) and just said, I don't want you to move out. I want you to cease contact with her so I feel our vows are being upheld. And then no, I don't want to push anything more or run to a MC next Monday. I was actually going to propose that for the next weeks or months, even through the rest of this year, that we do nothing but focus on being better ourselves, settling into our new life here, and focusing on being the best parents we can be. Do something together now and then but not try to fix all of our problems until we are both ready to do that. All I wanted was for her to be out of the picture.

And then I left and went to bed and actually slept soundly, without the pit that has been in my stomach for days.

I did text him today - just 'check mailbox, hope you are ok' - he needs to check his mailbox at work b/c we haven't gotten direct deposit set up and he hasn't gotten any new paychecks in 3.5 weeks so I need that to pay the rent soon. He responded 'Ok. Fine. Thanks.'


So he SAID I could block her number on our phone bill but I haven't. Even though he said it I feel like without him saying ok let's do it (as opposed to fine do whatever the eff you want), is me controlling him. I can go do it at any point. I also feel like texting her and saying 'It's hard to work on a marriage with a third wheel. Back off my husband for the sake of our children.' but I haven't done that either. I'm at the very least following the advice to post here before doing anything that could be stupid on my part.

HELP PLEASE.