Need some encouragement

[MHL]

Kissak,

Good to see you here. Sorry for what is going on with your H.

You have been around for far too long to know what is going on with your H, so it will not come as a shock that he has probably re-established contact with the OW. For what purpose, who knows but we all know that this simply will not work in a healthy marriage.

You are living in fear right now and fear is ruling your life. He is going to do whatever he is going to do and you can not control that. The only person you can control is you. Time to get strong again and let him know what it is you are wanting out of a relationship with your him.

I would assume that in the conversations leading up to his return home that you and him were able to talk about some things openly. You can't be afraid of what he may do in response to you letting him know what you want out of your marriage.

I think you should have another discussion with him but should be short and sweet and very matter of fact. I would not tell him "we need to talk" that will immediately put him on the defensive. If you could catch him at a time when the kids are not around and it would also come off as if you said it in passing.

You might say something to the effect of:

H, i have been thinking about things that have been happening for the last couple of weeks and I tought that I should share my feelings with you rather than tuck them away and pretend I am not feeling them. It is only fair to you to let you know what I am feeling because you can't read my mind.

When you contact other women via texting however innocent it may be, I experience feelings of uneasiness, anxeity, and mistrust. I want nothing more in the world then to be happy with you again for us to rediscover what a healthy loving marriage should be like. However these feelings are going to interfere with that outcome. I am hoping that you can help me with this by giving me some assurances that you are committed to our marriage. I would love to hear any thing you have to say or any feelings you may have about this when you are ready.

And then go do something else in the house, laundry, mow the yard, go for a run whatever....you have something else to do and you really aren't expecting him to discuss it right now. It is probably best that you don't discuss it right then.

Men do not handle these conversations very well, in fact there is a physical reaction that occurs that causes most men to want to do one of 2 things....Fight or Flight.

If you say what you gotta say and then get away he will have time to process his emotions without doing either one of those things.

Have you read "How to Imoprove Your Marriage Without Talking About It" ?

It explains some of the dynamic you and your husband are in right now. It is a cycle and you guys are feeding each other and the cycle can get out of hand real quick.

I hope this helps, is your H MLC??? and What did the reconciliation look like back in December to March?