You have a decision to make. And I don't want to sound cold, but here it goes. You can either stay where you are, mired in the emotions that no one blames you for having or you can pick yourself up, bruises and all, dust yourself off, and decide right now to stop focusing on anything except you and your kids.
Regardless of what your spouse chooses to do, you must become reliant on yourself for your happiness. If you allow your happiness to depend upon your spouse's moods and actions, you will not be emotionally healthy. If you are not emotionally healthy, you will not be able to maintain a happy, healthy R with anyone.
I know you are hurting and I know your world has been turned upside down. But the time has come for you to take back control over your life.
It may seem hard, but you can do this.
Good advice for many, many people here on this board.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Hi Ashlee I've been sort of off the boards a bit here....sorry about that. Busy and I can't log on at work anymore either....new security crap there that tracks so I don't need coworkers in my biz!
Let me ask you something....First let me explain. My H's ex-OW is now gone. More than 200 miles away. They are still texting on a regular basis because Drama Queen is what she is and he's still answering. I know she starts texting him, he never initiates contact anymore. But he is definitely responding. Does it make me mad? Sure. Do I want it to stop? Absolutely. Do I know I can beat out this stupid little slut? Damn right. I know that as annoying as it is that they still communicate, eventually and even sooner as opposed to later, it will end. Both will get bored with the other and the situation and it will pretty much die a slow and uneventful death.
For a while there, I was FURIOUS when I figured out there was still contact. I now know the contact is about the most boring, mundane crap that I'm not sure why either makes the effort. But I also know the crap he "talks" to her about, he's actually speaking to me about first....like his day, something funny that happened, blah blah blah.
It also makes it easier to let go and shrug my shoulders when I really pay attention to his efforts toward us and our relationship. For awhile there, when I was pissed about it, I lost track of it, then as we were b!tching at each other about it, he stopped making effort which made things worse, etc.
A good friend asked me "Is it possible you just want too much too soon? Can you be a little more patient?" And she went on to say, I understand if you can't but if you can, why not try that? Wait it out, see what happens. So that's what I'm doing.
I admit it might be easier for me because I have no concerns he's going to see her. That's a pretty big one and if I did, I'm not sure what I would do.
Wanted to look in on you. I hope ur doing better. I know this is hard. This is doable tho. Here's something I thought of this past weekend. As much as i love my H, do I really want to just let him back in my life when I cant trust him? My answer is no, he needs to earn my trust back. This doesnt mean I DONT want him back, just that I'm not going to let him set all the terms. You have to take care of yourself. Protecting yourself isnt just about the legal and financial, its about your heart too. And your selfworth. Dont let him dictate that. Thinking about you
I just hate when people disappear from the boards without giving the ending to the story.
So for all of you who helped Ashlee out during this horrible time I am happy to report that after her H moved out to his own apartment last year, in June 2010 he decided he wanted to work on the M and moved back into their home. They still have the long road of repairing the M, but they are actively working on it.
Her loving sister, Dagny
Me 48, H49, M24, S14, S11 DB #1 4/2002-8/2003 Bomb #2 August 2010 & he moved out Living with OW
