Here's a story...of a very sad lady

[Dagny-2]

But know this: "busting an affair", or "laying out (and enforcing) strong boundaries", and "save the M mode" . . . are NOT mutually exclusive!! In fact, every piece of "take a strong stance" advice I've ever given on these boards, has been with saving the marriage in mind. In over six years and nearly 20,000 posts, and studying literally THOUSANDS of affairs, I have personally never seen the "be their friend" or the "Little Bo-Peep" thing work.

Okay, explain the little bo peep concept, please, not sure I'm following. I must confess I haven't picked up the DB book I just bought, but I thought part of DBing was to listen to them, to validate their thoughts, that is where I was going with the be their friend concept. Not putting demands on him, letting him do what he feels he must do. Do you dissagree with that?

Now that I know there is an OW, my personality is much more to the let them free mentality than an aggressive attach of ending the affair. That would require a lot of my energy being spent on their relationship, where I see a much greater return on investment if I focus my energies and me and my kids.

Thoughts anyone?