Wife lost her love for me - my story

[MHL]

[quote=TomLost Love]

I'm not dwelling on it - and am as determined as possible to be strong for me, her, and the kids.

quote]

Great attitude!!!!

Let us know how it goes when you are down there.

Hang in there!!

[TomLost Love]

Just checking in and posting some thoughts here. W moved to Florida in June. Took my D11 there on July 7 to live with her, flew back to NY alone. Shipped the dog (really D11's dog for the most part) this past Tuesday to them as well. House here in NY now feeling empty althought I still live with S24 and D21. I guess losing the presence of W, D11 and dog over the last few weeks getting to me. I am trying everything to keep busy from morning til nite (work, bike riding, walking, laundry, cleaning, cooking, reading, lawn care, etc.). Definitely fighting a loneliness/depression type of mood as best i can. It's hard.....
I am masking my separation feelings from W to keep my 180 going and show a strength, but as I said - this is SO hard to keep up. S24 will be working this weekend and D23 will be away this weekend and next - I am dreading the weekend and the anticipated loneliness. I will continue my activities to keep busy but this is a rough period of time. Determined to show strength and staying as focused as I can be.......

[ClingingToHope]

I'm with you. Those weekends are hard. I haven't kept up. Did you have any say with the move to Florida.

[courageous wife]

Hey Tom

Good to hear from you. Sorry your W and D11 moved to FL

Can you make plans with a friend or friends to go and do something fun besides working around the house etc.? I just came back from a weekend with my BFF and had a great time...hardly thought of H at all!

Think about it!

[TomLost Love]

Thanks all. Its uplifting to see some comments here when you're feeling down. Yes - I had say in FL decision - in my thread - given all the circumstances - it made sense. I could've fought it - but it would just have caused more problems for all - in the long run - it is my goal to move down there and be near D11. Lots of things to clean up here in NY - its going to take time.

My D21 and I went to Journey tribute band concert last week, and I've got Marshall Tucker band and Eagles tribute band concerts lined in the next few weeks - so I am getting out as much as I can. My bicycle got a flat - will fix tonite hopefully - that will help. Bike riding a few miles helps me get some fresh air and get out of house.

I will try to get out more - the house for sure is like an albatross - everything in every room reminds me of W or D11 in some way - so its like torture sometimes.

I am making plans to visit D11 and W in FL first week in Aug for a long weekend, and that thought does make me feel better.

Thanks for the advice - i know what to do - its just hard to do it... hanging tuff........

[courageous wife]

Hey Tom

This is probably one of the hardest things that we will ever have to do...I can't imagine not being able to see one of my kids for that long....just them being gone for a night or two is tough!

You are giving your W the space that she asked for...that is all you can do for her. And, it sounds like you have got some good things planned for yourself...biking and concerts (all very awesome bands btw!) etc.

When my H left, I stripped wallpaper and painted in the master bedroom! It really helped to get my mind off the reminders of him and was something that needed to be done anyway! Maybe you could move some things around or do a little painting? Even rearranging furniture seems to help!!!!

Take care!

[TomLost Love]

I was down to see my D11 in FL this past weekend - took off Thurs and Fri so was down for a long weekend. I stayed at my MIL/FIL's house, and my D11 stayed there with me. My MIL/FIL are great people and I felt totally comfortable there with my D11, as I always have. It is strange though - being separated from my W, yet all else stays the same with the family.

I had a great time with D11 and we spend the whole time together - wildlife park, beach, ice cream, swimming in pool, miniature golf, table games, crazy eights, watching TV at night, laughing, talking, just hanging out. Getting dropped off at the airport last night to leave was the hard part - for both D11 and I. Tears flowed again for us both. I am going to try to see her again near end of Sept for her Birthday - we'll see with house, finances, job, etc, how things are going then.

As far as my W, she stayed away back at her apartment for the most part. My MIL (her mother) said that it is normal behavior for her since she moved down there. I didn't push anything as far "us" and am just giving her as much space and freedom that I can. I wanted to tell her how great she looked and how much I miss her too - but kept that all to myself. I didn't ask any questions or talk much about W to her parents, and I kept my 180 and all rules in place. Very hard to do, as everyone on this board knows I am sure. You just want to embrace and hug and hope that all is ok, but you know that would be a mistake and that you need a signal/sign to initiate that, and that it may never come to pass.

I am going to write and send letters to my D11 - we text or talk every night, but I want her to know that I am not forgetting about her and that she is a big part of my life, even a thousand miles away. I thought about beginning to write to my W also, but again, I think sticking to the 180 is still the right plan and let her call, text or write to me if that is what she wants.

So - the miles are between us again while I wait out my W's journey and continue along during mine. I have a new appreciation for the saying "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger". I feel like there are emotions at work slowly tearing my heart apart every day, and I sometimes don't know how I made it thru to the next day, but I find a way.

Hope all is well with everyone out there on the boards and that you all are hanging in there also.

[TomLost Love]

FYI - I also have a new appreciation for the line in Journey's song - "It's been a mystery - still they try to see - why something good can hurt so bad" All those years listening to that song - and not knowing that pain - but understanding it now. LOL - I guess we do get smarter as we age and experience the lows and the highs..........

[TomLost Love]

Question for the masses out there. Our anniversary is coming up in early Sept - will be 26 years. We're separated, but still married. We are a thousand miles apart in separate states. How to acknowledge the day? With a card? (seems right) With a gift? (seems not right) Things are cordial between us, but there is no talk of "us" while I wait out her journey. Hard to determine what breaks the 180 rules - certainly a gift does but it is an anniversary. Any thoughts out there?

[TomLost Love]

Interesting little tid bit. So my W and D11 moved to Florida, and my D11 just started in a new school. She seemed excited and happy and volleyball team tryouts started the first day of school. After the week of tryouts, she made the team and was very happy - she's fitting in well and making friends, etc. My W was talking to me on Saturday morning about it and said something like " Yes - she's adjusting well and doing amazing, and I'm the one who's unhappy". I just about dropped the phone and wanted to say a million things - "come home to NY, come back to me, etc., etc.". I though for a few seconds and just said something like "Oh - things will get better, you'll be alright, things will be alright" and left it at that. First time I have detected a comment like that from her since all of this started. This would be the scratching of the surface maybe of a new stage in the MLC which I believe she is in. I will remain accessible if she wants to talk and will remain upbeat and encouraging to her, but I don't intend to push any of it - she needs to come to her own conclusion - if I am following my DBing correctly. Anyway - this was definitely a "different" vibe I got from her.